Saturday, August 29, 2009

Hamburgers and Such


Me an Clem, been doin a lot of thinkin lately, now you know that can't be good. We, been stewin and a steamin, bout the time we went four wheelin and runned out of beer, and whut, Jimmy Ray did, but mostly runnin outta beer.
I was sittin on the front porch, drinkin my coffe, readin my paper, when it come to me outta the blue, man I cannot wait till Clem brings the mail and tell him what I done cooked up for Jimmy Ray.
Well directly,  I see Clem, drivin up in his mail truck, sos I go runnin to the mail box,  tell him my plan, he starts laffin and say Mr. Bob this'ns best one yet, I'm in.
You see, Clem has this here old buildin that Jimmy Ray has wanted to buy since I cant remember, but Clem didn't want to sell to Jimmy Ray, but this here plan changed everthin.                                                          Jimmy, was gonna be able to buy that buildin after all.
Clem, gos and has a talk with jimmy ray, and presents the plan I give him. Jimmy is tickeled pink. mind you, finally gettin his dream buildin and all.
Jimmy has always wanted that there buildin, sos, he could open a bizness, but he hasn't never been, the shinest chrome on the truck . Clem an me have wonderful bizness idea for him, and man he loves it. He hires us out, to fix up the buildin, remodelin and all, oh yeah, the buildin needed a little werk.
The roof needed to be replaced, the foundation was cracked, there wernt no plumbin,. The electrical was still good though, with just a little up datin. So we replaced all the wirin, and since it only had, one light and one plug in, we though we better add some, sos we did, you know how it is when you gotta remodel, we tells him, better add some air condition too, while were at it,and maybe some doors and windows, would be nice.
Oh yeah, we are a doin it up right proper.
I tell Jimmy, boy your gonna need booths and tables and such,and a cook stove, a microwave, sinks, oh yeah about them sinks, your gonna need the plumbin for that, and people dont like out houses these days neither, sos, were gonnhave to add a toilet and a bathroom.
Well, after about six months, we had all these "little" improvements done, except the paintin and such.
While Clem and I are paintin, Jimmys out gettin all his suppliers set up and his regular stuff for settin up the bizness, licenzes, insurance, tax papers, book keeper and such.
Now ever day, we see Jimmy Ray at McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King, Jack in the box, and ever other hamburger place you can think of in these parts.
Finally comes the opening day, Clem and I had been watchin the progress, the whole way, just to make sure Jimmys bizness venture was successful.
Ever day, he would make the rounds, to all the other hamburger places before he would open up, and ever night he would drive by their place to check em out agin.
Ever one always thought if Jimmy ever opened a bizness, that he would do ok, not really well, or really bad, just ok
Clem and I, did really well for Jimmy opening the bizness, sos we thought we would stop in on him,  have a visit. His place had been open for about two weeks now.
No cars there,  it is noon time, not a good sign for a bizness tha serves food, fast food at that. so Clem and I, go inside, and say hey Jimmy Ray, and he says hey Mr,Bob and Clem, how yall doin, fine we says, well you know how we are, you never hear, hows your momoma and them any more.
Jimmy sez, I think you boys made more money fixin and sellin this place than I'll ever make, bizness just aint that good.
I have done ever thin you boys told me on how to be a success at this, hell, I been goin to McDonlds, Burger King, Wendys, Jack in the box and all the other places you guys said I outta go. Doin ever thin, just like you said, but the bizness just aint doin no good.
We said, have you tried advertisin, puttin out flyers. and visitin all the schools? Knockin on doors, gettin a billboard, callin the Elks Lodge and all that. He said I've tried ever thin and still hardly any customers.
 We told him, well maybe you just need to wait and see, the bizness will come, after all the concept and idea comes from a very very successful bizness.
Jimmy, you know we modeled it after the day old bread stores,  you know how long it took for their bizness to take off, just give it some time.
Jimmy said i know, but i  think the idea of " the day old hamburger", must be ahead of its time,  people just arent ready to buy it yet.
As a good fren of mine would say from- pardon my opinion- "nuff ced".

31 comments:

Charlene said...

Not sure about you but even a day old hamburger sounds pretty good to me right now. Must be getting close to lunchtime...

John Silveira said...

HA.... yet ANOTHER great story... and thanks for the shout out !!!

Rae said...

Now that is a novel idea. Can't imagine why it won't work. Thanks for the laugh.

whiterabbit said...

You have done it once again Bob. I don't think day old hamburgers is something that I would enjoy. lol.

Sandra said...

As long as it's been in the frig, day old is fine! I love the picture...think I'm gonna run up to Wendy's.....RIGHT NOW!!!!

BillyWarhol said...

My BBQ Billy Burgers wouldn't last overnight!! They're Scarfed Down Immediately by the Hungry Throngs!! ;))

Johnz said...

day ol' burgers :D
thats nasty. My fren startid a sushee place, maybeez they can join heads

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

LOL Must be the day ole fries killin the place

Dr. P. Poorluk said...

Funny Stuff Bob! Great Post. You came too close for comfort to my idea of selling pre chewed gum, but I still enjoyed it!

Emeraldstone said...

Day old? ew lol. great post!

therealbobthought said...

brian,
pre-chewed gum lmao, sounds more like sumthin imogenee at the bank would do, love the idea tho.

ioomc. lol i shudda sdded fries for free, lol

john, they ain't nasty you just gotta eat em quick

sandra, now thats th right answer, lol


hey i might be on to sumthin, hhhm franchises now open.

dannyd said...

One day old hamburger lol! :P

I really like the new skin. :)

Nickie Goomba said...

I'm planning on buying one. Tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

You do make me laff, thak you Bob.

xoxo SS.

Lady Midnight said...

ahaha, i suspect most of us have already eaten day old burgers (dodgy dodgy food chains).
great story!

Looking For Normal said...

Reminded me of my little brother; He was about 6 and throwing a fit in the parking lot. We were all just stunned. Although he was a brat, he had a point. We wanted to go to Wendy's and he said I'm not eating no old hamburger. He could only read the "Old" where it says "Old Fashioned Hamburgers" we ended up going to mcdonalds.

dannyd said...

Also, could you please look at this and comment:

http://dannysignifyingnothing.blogspot.com/2009/08/signnoth-story-1-google-yahoo-merger.html

:D

Leah said...

Ha. . . This cracked me up. Yes, you are ahead of the game with the day old hamburgers, that's for sure. :-D

Sandee said...

I'm not thinking he took very good notes. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Ingrid said...

Hahahahahaha, your post made ma laugh.. you have a great way with words.. :D

day old hamburger? hahaaa.. pardon but an *eww* is in order !

Take care,
Ingrid :)

Millie River said...

Great story! Day old bread/hamburger business model...I'm loving it!

dannyd said...

Yeah, it is probably the funniest thing I have read all week.

And, excuse me, but did you accidentally "un-follow" my blog?

The Chef said...

He should up-grade to day old cheeseburgers. You can put a process cheese slice on just about anything and you'll suddenly have yourself some goumet dining - and that stuff never goes bad.

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olive oyl said...

thou art absolutely hilarious. and even i won't mind a day old burger considering the fact that i can consume almost anything to gain weight :p

myra said...

Thanks for coming by, you know I wish I could write like you do love reading your blog.By the way can you tell me more about that tea set?

Kristen said...

I don't like leftovers, but I like your stories.

laelivelove said...

nice article! a day hamburger doesnt sound really tasty haha

Megan said...

Thanks for following me! =)

Pollyanna said...

I wouldn't even eat an hour old hamburger! You sure got him good!

rawcogs said...

I was going to read this post but i saw the hamburger and changed my mind.

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got that..lol

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