Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Aint Christmas Shopping Fun












Twas the week before Christmas and all through the land.
Shopping is hectic, got plastic in hand.
Walmart and Target are price cutting like hell.
In hopes that you'll buy from them as well.

The kids are hinting at the things they want this year.
While visions of debt is the only vision that is clear.
Mamma in rollers hunting for sales, and me at home taking a nap.
I guess something can be said about the gender gap.

When out in the parking lot, I heard something shatter,
Officer Obie, jumped into action to see whats the matter.
Alarms were blowing, and lights were flashing.
All you could see was a little ole man in a hadicap cart dashing (driving that thing at break neck speed too)

When what to your wondering eyes should appear,
The local police, in full dressed swat gear.
Poor little man in the handicap cart,
Was banned form shopping for Christmas at this Walmart.

Behind the wheel now and heading home with the loot,
The drivers are crazy, the traffic is heavy, watch out for that ole coot.
He's driving that cart, coming our way.
He acts like he's angry, hell, he's yellin "make my day"

I dont know what is under this hood, on Dancer, Vixen, or Cupid
Let's get outta here before that ole man does somethin stoopid.
So out of the parking lot I speed away, like Santa flying in his sleigh,
Man I should've shopped earlier, Like in the month of May.

When I get to house, with loot in hand,
I spring from the truck,  oh no, in dog poop I stand.
I learned my lesson, thats for sure,
Shopping for Christmas is a lot of manure.




Monday, December 7, 2009

Bob and Clem Party Easy Now










Clems brother, Jerry Wayne, has always had extremely long hair and a really long and thick beard. It was all beginning to turn gray and white. He has also always had these real thick glasses, those that are so heavy, they fall off your nose, he always, peered over his glasses.

His wife, Merlene, told him she weren't gonna have nuthin to do with him no more, iffin he didn't git that stuf cut off.
He came to me and Clem and and asked what ought he do.
Man are we gonna have some fun with this one.

We tole ole Jimmy, man we would love to hep him out iffin he was a willin to help us out.
Ole Jimmy, said anthin, long as it ain't sumthin stoopid, like havein to go to church for a year , or take out ole Blevins, ugly daughter, we laffed, hell, Jimmy we wouldn't do nuthin like thet, your married, and ain't no church we would want to punish like thet no way.

BUT!! We do have a favor.
Clara and Joe, your next door neighbors, been callin the law on us for years, ever time we have a party, an well, we would kinda like to git em back, nuthin mean  mind you, just a little fun.

Hell, they known me all my life, how you gonna have me do anythin, that'll fool them two?

Merlene, wants you to clean up, right?
You want to keep Merlene happy ,right?
So, you gonna have to have a  streme make over, right?
Hell, way we see it, they ain't even gonna know who you are. Now, you gittin the pikture?

Jerry Wayne, got his hair cut real short, got his beard all shaved off, had this fancy surgery done on his eyes, didn't wear them glasse no more. Hell, we didn't even recognize him.
Merlene was thrilled, an Jerry Wayne.got non stop luvin for a week.

Everbody is happy.
We take him over to Clara and Joes house, and introduce him, as a good friend from back east.
This guy, can tell you bout anythin you've done or any thin thats a gonna happen in the future.
Clara an Joes' ears perked up, tell us more they said.
So, Jerry Wayne, seein they donn't  recognize him, really gits into it.

He starts out, tellin em bout past events, bout their kids, bout how they fell in love, when they moved into their ole house, an had to fix up all the bad plummin. How six years ago Joe had a car wreck, and seven years ago Clara, won some money at the casino, just all kinds of things.
They never even once,  so much as had no idea that this was Jerry Wayne, their next door neighbor for the last twenty five years.

He asked em if they wanted to know bout their future now.
They was so amazed bout the information of their past, they yelled, HELL YES. They was excited to find out all bout it now.
Well, you got fifty dollars and I'll tell you all about your future then.

Man, I never seen Clara move that fast, she jumped up, ran to the back, came back, with five crisp ten dollar bills, just a wavin em an sayin tell us now.
Jerry Wayne takes the fifty, looks at it real hard like. lays it on the coffee table, spreads it out, and studies real hardfor bout five minutes, not sayin a word.

Ya'll have, an ole oak tree, out back, surrounded by some bramble, thorn bushes.
Joe and Clara, both shake their head yep, been here since we got this place they said.
An ole couple use to live here, Jerry Wayne continues, an you folks is bout to find their treasure. what they buried there. Seems Joe here, knows an ole man name Benard, an you two gonna meet up an fine thet ole treasure. It is buried under thet ole oak tree, just a waitin for the two of  you to dig it up. Cept, only problem is, you gotta dig at night, after midnight, can't have no lights, cept a flash light, an once you start diggin, you can't stop, or the treasure goes deeper.

Joe and Clara, are all so excited, they call Benard, right away, make plans, to start diggin thet night.
They git out there, right after midnight, they dig bout three feet down, the wind starts a blowin an a howlin, they start  hearin voices of peple wailin, chains rattlin, and bells a ringin. They git scared an run back to the house.
This goes on bout a month or so, an they is gettin reall frustrated, hell, that treasure must be fifteen feet down by now.

Clem an I, never had no problems with our parties after midnight no more.
Thanks, Jerry Wayne, hope you and Marlene stay happy too.




Saturday, November 28, 2009

Clems Thanksgivin Lessen








Sittin on the front porch readin the paper, drinkin my coffee and waitin on Clem to come by with the mail, wavin at the people on their way to work.
I'm a just sittin here a thinkin bout whut all these folk is in a hurry bout.

Seems to me that the closer it gits to Christmas, the crazier them damned people drives. They drive so fast and weave in n out, hell you'd think they was all on go-carts or sumthin.

Clem, shows up with mail, goes inside and gits a cup of coffee, and we comence to talkin. He went to his brothers for thanksgivin, down at the ole family place and all, and he was full of news.
His mommas place, was in bad need of repair, and his damned brother, lazy ole cuss, wouldn't even fix the ole stairs goin up the back porch.

So, Clem decided, he'd fix up a few things while he was there. He went out and bought some paint, and brushes, some lumber to fix the back porch and all. He got it done and was walkin round to admire his handi work, when this big ole cur dog, come runnin into the yard. Hell, scared the pee outta him, so bad, he had to wring out his socks.

He went back up to the house and asked his brother, Jimmy, "how long these here ole wild dogs been a runnin up in here."
He said "bout a couple months now, they been runnin in a pack outta them ole woods. Ever since ole man Landry moved and the fence felled down, they been acomin up this a way ever since."

Well, hell, Jimmy, "Why haven't you fixed that damn fence then?"
Now, Jimmy is a big ole boy, Clems' baby brother and all, just lazy and a little slow mostly.
Clem, says "alrighty then, this a here is whut we are a gonna do."
"I'm gonna paint the front of the house, while you start puttin up the fece post. I'll go git all the stuff, lay it out show you where ever thing goes and all. I'll be back in about an hour with all the fencin stuff".

When Clem gits back, he takes Jimmy round the yard, he sets a bag of concrete where ever post should go and marks it with that orange markin paint.
Tells Jimmy "ever where you see these here orange marks, you dig a hole and bury a post, when you git em all done. I'll come back and put up the runners and you and I will hang this here fence."

So, Clem goes to the front of the house and start the paintin, he gits the front painted and don't hear nuthin from Jimmy. Sos he commences paintin, the north side of the house, gits it almost done, then spots Jimmy sittin on the front porch.

"Jimmy, You got them fence post ready yet", Clem yelled
"Yep, just waitin on you now," he says.
Clem climbs down the ladder, goes and gits the compressor out, sends Jimmy, after the air hose and nail gun.
He goes round to the back to git started.

"Jimmy, what  the hell, wheres them posts at, thought you done had ever thing  ready here."

Jimmy, yells back, "it is ready, I'll be there in just a minute."

Jimmy comes walkin back, with the nail gun and the air hose, and asks Clem, where he wants em.
"Well, I'd a want em by the first post, iffin I could find it."

"Well. hell, its right here, where you said to start." Jimmy said.
"Where the hell are they then," Clem asks?

"Well hell, your a standin on em right now," Jimmy says," right next to them sacks of concrete.
Right there where yo tole me to bury em, I buried all of em, bout, sixteen to eighteen inches down, and they is ready for that concrete now.

Man you could just see the redness wellin up in ole Clem eyes, Mr. Bob , that derned fool actually buried all them damn post, and thought that was they way its spose to be, hell, he didn't even leave a nub outta the ground to nail to.

Alls I could do was laff and ask, "sos how did you hang them fence pickets", just couldn;t hep my self.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

"2012" You Gotta Be Kiddin Me



So the world is gonna end, man this is really upsettin to this here ole man.
I do have trouble believin it though.
And heres why.



Searches related to: prophecies of end of world
nostradamus prophecies end of world
bible prophecy end of world
jehovah's witnesses prophecies
prophecies kali yuga
prophecies of armageddon
prophecies end world 2012
prophecies of jesus christ
mayan prophecies end wor
Nostradamus, now if this ole boy knew so much, why didn't he write a survival book like ever one else.
Bible prophecy, ever time one them guys says it gonna end, they just go somewhere and drink that posion kool-aid.
Jehovah's witness, man them schwinn bike guys will lose too much business.
Lali Yuga, hell I thought this was the guy from Star Wars, that little guy was just too funny to know anything more than what the dark side guys were gonna do.
Armegeddon, well I never been there but I heard the beer was warm, so I said the hell with that.
2012, don't even go there that bar done burned down, bunch of years ago.
Jesus, now I know he never said no such, he was havin enuff truble with that deciple gang of his as it as was.
Mayans, now this one was really funny, ain't never even seen one of their calenders, and I heard their women were real ugly. Have you ever heard of a Mayan Fire Fighter, so. how the hell, they even gonna put a clendar together.

Then here comes all the books.
What  the hell, by the time most people would get around to readin em the meteors would be a fallin no way.
 They got groups, sayin the date too. They are sayin, December 21, 2012, now how foolish can that be, you'd think they would at least make it black friday or sumthin. Not just a couple days before Christmas.

Now can you just imagine the rush at Walmart, talk about needin crowd control.
The manager lookin in the parkin lot, sees a kazillion people, and its only the 20th, and they all want refunds, cause their kids won't be able to play with any this here stuff.

Back to the books, if the world is gonna blow up any way, what you spose to do with the damn books, stuff em like a turkey? Hell, grab your ankles and insert book.

Who are these guys in these groups no way, bunch a guys that are outta shape and have no hair, most of em I've seen any way, they are just a hopin and a wishin.

Well I ain't gonna talk bout this no more today, gotta go and open a dooms day beer, maybe even more.
I guess i best git to writin a survival post, before this computer shuts down, like it was suppose to in 1999.



Tuesday, November 17, 2009

New Deck Hand Helps Calibrate Radar Mr. Bob Style/ The Fun Times






This was pre-accident

It was just a routine day, we were just doing a routine operation.

We headed to the rig, about one hundred thirty miles off shore, on board we had their supplies for their daily activities.
We had two new crew members that had never been off shore before, one deck hand and one cook.
This is always fun.

Going out, it is calm and fair weather, every thing goes smoothly.
We get to the rig, tie up, and off load their supplies.
We are requested to stay over, so that they may off load some unneeded and spent materials, cool, fishing will commence immediately.

This rig has a very nice tie up spot for fishing, and god knows I like to FISH.
We break out the fishing gear and start fishing.
We make poola bags, these are chum bags attached to the bottom of your line, you yank hard, they open with bait, and the fish attack the bait.

The snapper is biting like crazy, we each catch many pounds of snapper.
Word comes, we are being released from the rig, damn, the fishing is just too good to want to leave.

The trip back is a little bumpy, not bad, but for guys that have never been out before, you would think we are in the "perfect storm", I can't help my self, being an old salt, I start the prank, and tease mode.

I walk up to the new deck hand, I have a glass of raw eggs and milk. I down it all in one big gulp.OOPS. sorry new guy, I didn't mean to make you sick. (snicker snicker) sorry.
I guess I'll fust have to finish off these sardine and peanut sandwiches by my self, (snicker snicker) sorry.

The captain sees what is going on, he removes me to the wheel house, to take the wheel, for the remaining, trip back to the dock. I am still snickering, get to sit in the wheelhouse chair and relax all the way in.
The new deck hand, comes into the wheelhouse to see how I am doing.
I apologize for making him sick and all, he feels better, and I show him all the equipment.

We have a gps, radar equipment,even auto pilot. He is really impressed. I explain to him how at times the radar goes a little hay wire, and has to be adjusted at times.
I ask him if he will help me calibrate the radar when we get in, I explain that it is a two man operation, and if we get it calibrated, the captain will let us fish longer the next time we go out.

This guy loves to fish.

We get back to the dock, get everything secured, and get some rest.
This new guy keeps bugging me about calibrating the radar, today is Saturday, and I'm wanting to watch the ball games, we will do it tomorrow before the games begin I tall him it is better to do it early in the morning before every one at the docks get on their radios, much less interference that way.

The next morning, every one, all the other vessels are, tied up tight, at the dock.
I get the new guy to help me calibrate the radar.
He is really excited, and I get him all prepared, and I position him on the back deck.
I yell at the other hands, on the other vessels to please stay off their radios for a few minutes, as the new guy and I are about to calibrate the radar for our vessel. They all wave, and agree, they just hang out to watch.

I go to the upper deck in the wheel house, get on the loud speaker so the new guy can hear the commands.
Ok, "go to the middle of the stern, place your hands over your head, walk from pot to starboard, do this three times, slowly, then stop at the center."

The new guy does this procedure flawlessly.
Great I say" now one more time , a little faster, and walk up to the engine stacks then return to the stern."
The fellows on the other vessels are whistling and giving encouragement the whole time.

We did this for about five minutes, and I told the new guy, "great job.I believe we got it"
The captain was up now and wanted to know what was going on.
The new guy, was all excited that we had the radar calibrated and gushed out to the captain what he had helped get accomplished.

Well, ole Cap, just burst out in laughter, he said,"yes I know I was watching the whole thing from the galley." Then said, "well son I guess you wre just initiated right proper, we never calibrate the radar that way, especially all wrapped up in aluminum foil, with a pan on top of our heads, and holding a clothes hanges in both hands."

But I am sure you will be the talk at the docks for the next couple of days, Byford, I need to talk with you.


Damn, I wish U-Tube would have been available then.
I have also started this  thread on  face book
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=114387775262356&v=wall&story_fbid=119547301413070#!/group.php?gid=116719855035371


Sunday, November 15, 2009

A Tribute To The Weathervanes' Miss Rae

A SPECIAL TRIBUTE TO A SPECIAL BLOGGER













                                                                              RAE






This is my personal journal of random thoughts, perspectives, and nostalgic memories. I am a grandmother, wife, and retired RN. I was born and raised in the Midwest. My main focus in life is family and my yellow Lab.





                                               http://myweathervane.blogspot.com/


On Fridays at my other site, plainolebob2, on blogspot, we hand out the "Hot Dawg" blogger award.
You may have noticed that this award is dedicated to Miss Rae.
I felt like this would be as good a time as any to tell you why.


I only know Miss Rae, through blogging on blogger.
She is the reason that I even blog, I almost quit before I got started.


I started blogging because a friend suggested that I should.
I was having terrible nightmares due to an accident that killed the fellow standing next to me. For years I have had nightmares about this accident, and blogging may be the release that I needed, as it turned out, it was.


When I first started, I was reluctant to write about it, I goofed around in the coffee shop at the google help forum.
I started following a blogger, Bruce Coltin at http://www.brucecoltin.blogspot.com/ if you have ever read anything at his site you will undestand why.
Bruce Coltin started this thread, Do you just follow blogs, or do you also read them?


On this thread he made mention of Miss Raes' site," if you would like to read more on the subject of just following blogs vs. reading blogs, please go to www.myweathervane.blogspot.com. Rae summarizes the opinions expressed in this discussion, and states her own purpose for blogging. Rae knows how to write. You really should take a look."


This really piqued my interest, so, I went and checked her out.
I was truly thinking at this time, that blogging was not for me.
It was the inspiration that I needed at the time, to write about the accident, and my feelings.


So, THANK-YOU,  Miss Rae, it is because of you that I am still blogging to this day. that I have met so many of your beautiful and glorious bloggers. It is because of you that there is a "Hot Dawg" blogger award, and if it is from the inspiration of that post, that I wrote about my accident and was freed from my nightmares.


I will always be grateful to you, and I reall want every one that visits my site to know why I hold you in such high esteem.


Your biggest blogging fan, 
Bob Byford
Plainolebob


Please read the thread listed at the bottom of Miss Raes' post
http://myweathervane.blogspot.com/2009/08/my-blogging-opinion.html
and her post that kept me writing.
You just may gain a new perspective of the blogging family.
BIG BIG HUGS

Saturday, November 7, 2009

"Oldies And I Hope Goodies" Plus One For Mike



Well thought I would do a little edit and re-run of my more infamous post from quite some time ago. due to the power from the flooding and all I decided I needed to put up a post in case this thing coming into the gulf brings so much rain that it really makes this river rise,  we may be with out power for a while.
Kinda in limbo right now, power for a time then no power, a yo-yo effect, I wonder if that would work like a wind mill, one big yo-yo, just kiddin Mike.

Any way I hope you all enjoy these old post, Clem is plannin a travel itenerairy or however you say it, wikk let you know soon. You know how Clem is.


First un-edited re-run
"I"M IN THE PAPERS
Sitting on the front porch drinking my coffee, reading the paper, must be round 6:30am by nowI notice the traffic is picking up. Time to move a little closer so I can wave at everybody on their way to work. Reading the paper and I come across this here ad { WANTED YOUR OLD NEWSPAPERS.........WILL PAY 50cents PER POUND........BRING TO OLD HWY 71 NORTH.....ACROSS FROM OLD CHEATUMS TRUCK STOP}


Now here I was reading this ad thinking what kinda fool would pay that price for old news papers. When all of a sudden this big ole truck, painted a god ugly green, pulls up and dumps out the biggest stack of newspapers youd ever saw and kept bringing more. Now I'm not easily riled but this youngun was droppin papers on my favorite daisy bed. I yelled out at him hey fool git them papers offen my daisies. He said yessir where you want em. I said hell I don't care if you put em up your....... but git em off my daisies. Now about this time, some old lady, and I can say old lady being an ole coot myself, you know one them blue haired old ladies, with them ugly, half up to your knees sox on or hose, whatever they are. She gits out and starts unloading them papers too, by this time I'm gettin the picture, that ole fool in the paper ad, had my address on it and these people were bringing me all them papers. Hell soon there was more than a hunderd of em gettin mad and everything, thinkin I'm gonna pay em 50cents a pound for all them papers, hell I had to git my shot gun out just to git em to load them papers up an git outta here.

Man I was hoppin mad, took myself down to that newspaper office, walked in and yelled Imogene come here an splain to me bout this here ad.

Well Mr Bob let me see here, yep that's your ad,

I'll be dammed that ain't no ad of mine. I never placed no such thing. You people better git this right, in about ten min or less, or I'm gonna commence whuppin some ass here.

Made enuff commotion Mr Brandywine came outta his office, he said now calm down here Mr Bob, we'll figure out what the mix up is.

Mr Bob looks like this here ad was placed by Mr Cash and it was paid by cash and yes it has your address.

Well I'll be dammed, youn's know my address by now and know i didn't place no such ad, y'all better come down and pick em up, I don't want em and I ain't bout to pay all them folks no 50 cents a pound.

Well Imogene and Mr Berrywine came to my place and told all them mad people that it was a miss print, they were sorry, them people swarmed madder than hornets in a hail storm mind you.

Well Mr Berrywine was so overwhelmed he told em to bring their papers down town, to his office, and he would pay em.

Come to find out Ole Tom Muleskinner down at the old Donovan place was pullin his annual prank and I was the target. That's why Ole Bob need a gooden, got one post it in my comments for me, thanks!!




2nd un-edited re run
THE POSSE RIDES
bbq'n in the back yard stewin over muleskinners little antics, thinkin all my frens and neighbors gonna start callin me "paperboy" or sumthin, I start fumim all over agin.
I star thinken and you know, that can't be good, how I'm gonna pay that no good s. o. b. back.
While I'm doin that, all these here neighbors of mine, are smellin this here cookin,and start moseyin on over.
HELL, John brung a date even, Holly Hooker or some such name, now dont go an tell Bess.
Kyrie and Chase come on over too, as well as Ness, this cutle little Scottish girl with her fambly. Cool and Anxious were here, Mss Sandra, came with her school lunch menu, anyways there was a crowd.
Now I gotta whole passel of people here, might have to swear em all in as a posse, and we will come up with somthin to play on the Ole Muleskinner.
Pert soon all these ideas come rushin outta ever where, more ideas than this ole man can muster. How we gonna pull all this together, much less pull it off, I dont know, but by god I'm in the mood to jez whup some ass.
Bout this time a hush falls in the yard, Tom Muleskinner, in my yard, at my bbq, and no beer with him (damn moocher).
Now Tom and I go way back, hell we graduated the same time, from Mss Sandras' class, 6th grade it was, even celebrated our 16th birthdays together the next day. So's I know him well.
Any ways, I hold back my, I wanna whup your ass attitude, an start chummin up. So hows about comin over Saturday and watch the ball game on my new big screen with me, I sez to Tom, man he jumps for that. I just bought one of them hang on the wall things, bout a 20in screen I think. He's just been waitin to see my bran new TV, got the bastard hooked now. Posse plan set. Kabang. Now the rest of the story as Ole brother Paul would say.
Tom shows up bright and early Saturday mornin, hell I'm still on the front porch readin the damn paper. That moocher still didn't bring no beer.
We get settled in to watch the game, Adam stops by, now this boy knows beer, and he brought some of his home brew, yeah buddy the good stuff.
The game starts directly and man is it boring, nonscoring, wish we wern't playin them Longhorns. Still no score at half time, we're watchin the crowd when Tom yells, out would you lookey there its them youngs from the BBQ
Well we got ole tom plastered on that home brew an i took his ugly ass home, dropped him off on his front lawn dead ass drunk, plans workin fine.
Go on home meet up with the posse thank em all ,we'll talk tomorrow, and I go to bed.
ZING-POW-POP KAZING-AND A LITTLE RAZZES THROWN IN TO.
I get this call from Tom Muleskinner, seems he woke up went in his house and found this here sight.
Paper cups filled with water all over his livinroom floor, his furniture been glued to the ceiling, all his sugar and salt stuff all mixed up, the bat room is filled with balloons and his clocks all had a different time one, and to top the cake when I went outside some fool done wrapped my truck in that plastic wrap stuff.
Man all I could do not to wet on myself, that posse of mine deserves accolades of praise.

Pay back is a bitch, huh Tom Muleskinner (lmao) bettern whuppin ass!!!!!!!

Now meet the posse and partners of this caper:


JOHN OF JOHNZWORD ---- KYRIE OF--WILLBLOGFORCAKE ----- -NESS OF NAUGHTYNESSIE---COOLNAME ---- CHASE OF CHASINGBLOOD ---- MSS SANDRA OF MATH,TECHY,ARTSY FARTSY --


-ANXIOUSBUDDHIST---ADAM OF HOMEBREWDHRMA

Mikes favorite Cucunbers and sprite


Have you ever gone to the store and forgot what you were suppose to pick up. You did'nt bring a list, you don't have your cell to call home. So what to do? Not this, I will explain with this story.
Well by now most of you know how I am or maybe not no matter, I'm gonna tell you a little about Bess.
Now ,Bess is the boss and the real ass whupper here, she's about as tall as I am, but not quite. She has long white hair and I do mean white hair. Body wize whoo whoo , better not go there though.
Any ways, when Bess sends me to the store,I try my damdest not forget nothin, I always do though. Sos you know I finally figgered this out.
Bess, has a cousin, name of Cora Lee, now Cora is meanern a snake and as ugly as the inside of a burnt down barn, an B.O. that any chicken coop would envy.
Well she come to visit last week, sos I figure good time as any for a fishin trip. Now, Bess has other plans, no fishin. If, Cora weren't no girl I'd haffta whup her ass.
Now I'm stuck here, with this ugly ass woman, for three days, and she's one them house prowlin types, you know, them that looks in your drawers, goes through your cabinets, hell she mights well join the I.R.S. search squad.
Any ways, she spots these cucumbers in the fridge, about four dozen of em, and notices about tweleve cases of sprite stacked in the corner.
I can just hear, them ugly rusted gears, in that simpleminded ole head of hers crank up, like an old John Deere tractor.
Now, she wants to know, why in hevens name, we got all them cucumbers and all that sprite, damn. I been tryin to kill this issue, for bout two weeks now and she just openes this can of worms, agin.
Damn , I just wanna whup her ass.
Well, justl sos you know, I wouldn't whup up on no women, dont mean I wouldnt like to tho.
Bess, had sent me to the store, to pick up a few things, and cucumbers and sprite is what I forgot.
So, I figured out this here plan, when I go into the store, I'll ask, Jimmy, the bag boy, to say cucumbers and sprite at me when I'm leavin the store.
So, when I'm done shoppin, Jimmy says hey Mr. Bob, real loud, when I say real loud. I mean that boy shouted, you could hear him in the back, where that drunk butcher, Joe, hides out.
I said thank you Jimmy, for reminden me and I get some cucumbers and sprite and head on home, proud as a mule with full bag of oats.
Next mornin, I'm out on the front porch, wavin at the traffik, readin my paper, drinkin my coffee and waintin on Clem to deliver the mail.
Along comes Bess, outta the livinroom, sayin we is outta milk, now remember when Bess ays jump I dont ask how high, I get out the survival gear.
So, I head to the store, notice, Melvin Ray's, truck parked at Betty's Cafe, sos I pull in, he's been dodgin me since Easter, an owes me two bucks, I'm gonna git it. I go inside, ever body says howdy Mr, Bob, Melvin, sulks down in that there booth, thinkin I cant see him, hell hes over six foot tal,l an has feet as big as my aluminum boat. Hows he think he can hide in that there little ole booth beats me. I sez, now Melvin no sense you hidin there, I see you, just gimme my two bucks and wont be no ass whuppin here, I'll be damned, he paid me right there. Way to start the day, sos, I head on over to the grocery store to pick up that milk, feelin prouder than sister Hazels rose garden. I git the milk, check out, leavin the store, when , Jimmy the bag boy, hollers out Mr.Bob cucumbers and sprite, I said oh yeah, and go git some, head home with milk, cucumbers and sprite.
Hell, I, never gave it no mind even when I got home, I just put the stuff up.
Well, next mornin, same routine, cept, Bess needs washin powder.
I head to the store, see Alvie Sly's, truck parked in front of Betty's cafe, sos I pull in. Alvie's, the mayor here, you want sumthin done, go direct to Alvie. I told him bout the water what was backin up in my front yard, cause his lazy boys there, outta his office, ain't cleanin out them culverts. I got that fixed, he said he git them boys over ther this afternoon. Man I feel great, been tryin to git that fixed for months.
I, go into the store, pick up the washin powder, check out, when, jimmy, the bag boy, yells hey Mr. Bob, cucumbers and sprite. Sos, I go back and git the cucumbers and sprite.
Startin to get the piktur, huh.
This goes on bout a week or so.
Cucumbers and sprite.
Jimmy,the bag boy, me goin back an gitten em.
I don't pay no mind.
Well, I come in with them cucumbers and sprite, this time, Bess, screams what are you a doin, buying cucumbers and sprite for ever day, an shes hotter than a july firecracker, hell , Mr.Bob [she never calls me Mr. Bob unless sumthin is really wrong],we don't need no more, cucumber or sprite. Light goes off, bells ring, damn, I better tell Jimmy, I got plenty of cucumbers and sprite. Don't remind me no more.
Any ways thats the story, an that damn, Cora done brought it up agin.
I swear, that ole ugly thing, if she wern't no woman, I'd a whupped her ass.



I hope you all enjoyed the re-runs
BIG BIG HUGS
Bess says hi

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Mr. Bobs' "Higher- High" Educational Encounter All Dressed Up



I, know, this is gonna be hard for some of you to understand, specially if you have known me and followed, this blog for any length of time.
I have never talked about this part of my existence before, but I thought just, maybe, you might git a chuckle outta it.
Back in 1968, I decided, no actually, my family decided, that I not only needed to further my education, but that I should do it on a small Baptist college. Yikes, bummer, and any other adjective you wish to  use here, any way, this was way out of my element and comfort zone.

Most of the guys here, were bible thumpin, knock on your door, Jesus saves, dorks. No offense to any one that falls into this category, mind you, I was only eighteen at the time. Except  the fact that, my hair was down to the middle of my back, I smoked cigarettes, I smoked pot, I drank, and every third phrase outta my mouth was, "you gotta be shittin me", and "far out fuck wad". As you can see at that time I would not be the model canidate for student of the year on this little bible school.

My room mate, was this weird little fellow from, "Philly", with an even more strange name, David Dingbutt, changed his last name just in case. This guy was hung up, on show tunes, and Frank Sinatra. Me, it was Quick Silver Messenger Service, and Pink Floyd, for the easy listening stuff an Janis and Jimmy for the more moderate. I might write about this educated idiot some time.

I stayed off campus, as much as possible, hung out at the park, gazebo, played frisbee, listened to music and stayed stoned. These were the good times, no hard drugs then, just for "medicinal" purposes any way, yep, I was sick of that campus.

I found out really quick, I was a different type of student. I wasn't a religious type, I wasn't a studious type, I was mostly a party type. This did not blend in on this campus. They were, short hair, polished shoes, neat pressed shirts and slacks types. Me, long hair, beard, tie-dyed-tee shirts, bell bottom jeans, and sandles, a much more laid back type.

Every, Wednesday, was a mandatory chapel, I went to twice, I liked it so much, that I hired this off campus wino, to sit in my seat every Wednesday, for the roll call, for the duration of my life there. This fellow found the lord, and became a Baptist preacher, so as you can see there was a silver lining.

The only major expense, that I incurred, was this stoopid meal ticket, that you had to purchase. This was the biggest waste of money ever for me. I never ate breakfast, and the lunch was just a time to collect all the different colors of jello, I liked to use the jello to stain the sidewalks, made all type of art work there, you know, peace signs, and that type of stuff. Mistake was I would do it right on the cafeteria sidewalk as you walked up to the door. I wrote with the jello, this jello, causes cancer and brain disease.

Man, I was always in this little dean guys office.
Now this guy, Damn, he was a retired military officer, about five feet four inches tall, had that attitude of , "boy", my way or the highway, I always said, "fine, can I have a map". He hated me, and ,well, I was no fan of his either.

Guess I was just considered a "Rebel" here.

My biggest problem on this campus was with the cafeteria, as I had a problem here, right away, in fact, there were, two instances that I had to go and see the dean, I am only going to tell you about one right now.

You have to remember this was 1968, and "who", I was then.

I decided to attend the Sunday luncheon meal, I woke up late, got in a hurry to make it over there before they closed the lines and stopped serving. I walked in side just in time, they were still serving, and very few people were still there.
The girl, snickers, and says sorry, I can't serve you.

I say, why can't you serve me, the line is still open.

You are dressed improperly, I was informed.
Hell, I had on my t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. She informed me, that to be served, Sunday lunch, you "MUST" wear a coat and tie.
I tried to turn on the charm.
I said. oh I'm sorry sweetheart, can you let me slide just this once, I won't tell any one, and I really am hungry, besides there is no way that I can make it back to the dorm, change and get back here before you close the doors.
An emphatic, resonating  NO, was belted out.

My charm wore off immediately.
Then get the hell outta my way, and I will serve my self, and I did.
She walked over to my table, picked up the meal ticket, off of my tray, and wrote down the number.

Next morning.
Had a note on my dorm room door.
Mr. Byford, please report to the dean before returning to class.
OKEY DOKE then

The dean and I, if you remember are not fans of each other.
 Mr. Byford, at this school, as stated in the orientation manual, that I am sure you received, it clearly states, and he had the book opened and underlined, a coat and tie are required for Sunday luncheon meal.

I tried to explain the situation, no dice, this prick wasn't going to hear any of it.
NO EXCUSES, coat and tie only, good day, and he dismissed me.

That next sunday, I was first in line for the Sunday luncheon. Had my, coat and tie on, and thers she was, the cafeteria policewoman.
She walks over to my table, picks up my meal ticket, writes down the number.

Next morning, had a note on my dorm room door.
Mr. Byford, please report to the dean before returning to classes.
OKEY DOKEY then.

Mr. Byford, a coat must be worn right side out, and a shoe string, even if colored red, is still not a tie.

I pulled out my copy of the orientation manual, highlighted and underlined.
Show me where it says that.
It merely states in its' vagueness, "a coat and tie, are required for Sunday luncheon meal", no mention of any qualifications or exclusions.
I dismissed  myself, turned, closed the door, as I left his office.

That Wednesday, in their, mandatory, chapel, they were introduced to an addendum, to the "orientation" manual.
Male students attending the Sunday luncheon, Must wear a coat, that coat MUST be worn in the fashion that it was designed, ie...it MUST be worn right side out, a tie MUST be worn, that tie must be a proper tie, WITHOUT exception,ie.a shoe string or other substitute will NOT qualify, as a tie. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Wow, over night, I became a campus legend, imagine that, the ole hippy hick, scored.

Oh, and by the way, the ole wino, I hired, to sit in for roll call, yep, ran into him just the other day.
He was drunk on his ass, and he had just accepted a new position, as the new dean, on that campus.
Go figure


Friday, October 30, 2009

Another award And "5" To Pass The Torch To


*Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

*Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

*Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.  http://scholastic-scribe.blogspot.com/2008/10/200-this-blings-for-you.html

*Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

*Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Thanks to Mike, and his Cats
at http://hbmike2000.blogspot.com/
for this most coveted award
Thank you Melisa
for creating it.
now the hard part
which 5 deserving bloggers
to pass it on to.
I love so many.

Betty at "cut and dry"
http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com/

Alice at  "Alice In Wonderland"
http://thewondersofalice.blogspot.com/

Hunter at "Time Crook"
http://timecrook.blogspot.com/

Charlene at "The Balance Beam"
http://www.beamingbalance.com/

Sandra at "Real Math In A Minute"
http://realmathinaminute.blogspot.com/

These are just a few of my favorites, the others, and I won't name them all
already have the award.

CONGRATS to all
BIG BIG
HUGS

And all credit for this Beautiful award goes to

Melissa B.

My Photo

"The Original"






Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Happy Halloween, And Read The Extras I've Included Too



Ever Halloween, after I git all the Christmas stuff out, and checked, I try to do a little trickery, for the Halloween
goblins.

I put all the candy and treat in this ole worn out wash tub, man, I get all kinds of candy for this event. I dress up like an ole scarecrow, with a straw hat and ever thin.

I gat all them big ole spider webs up, all down the side walk, comming to the porch. I hang all them flyin ghost from the trees, build a little pumpkin patch area with bales of hay.

We have them little stick scarecrows all over the yard, and them fake headstones with the R.I.P. on em.
Ever thing looks really funny, spooky, eerie just good ole fashioned Halloeenish.

I always love the faces of them little ones, and their costumes, but when they git that big ole handful of candy, now they are just so damn funny. They say "trick or treat" in the sweetest ways, some are just so shy and scared, I try not to scare them littlest ones, but them that is a little older, well, I git em. LOL.

Me an Clem, built this hide-a-way hole, grave, Clem, gits inside, and when them smarty kind of older kids come up, they git their candy, look around a little, they get ready to leave. Clem, comes up real fast outta thet grave, man, I can't help but laff, them younguns, are so spooked, most of em just flat out run outta here.

It's one of the funniest sites you ever saw.

Now if you wantta read some reall spooky stuff you gotta check these out:

http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-live-with-ghost.html

http://iwonderwye.blogspot.com/2009/10/ghost-2.html

Both of these posts are just too cool for Halloween to not pass along.

HAPPY SPOOKING TO ALL,  AND TO ALL,  BOO!

LOL.    Love and BIG HUGS ALL






Sunday, October 25, 2009

CHRISTMAS DISPLAYS READY BY HALLOWEEN ! ! FROM SANTA AND RUDOLPH




  MERRY CHRISTMAS AT HALLOWEEN
FROM
SANTA & RUDOLPH



Every year around Halloween, when every one is still doing the ghoul thing, I go out to my shop and start checking out the Christmas lights, take an inventory, figger out how many lights I'm gonna need, to spruce up this years, Christmas display.

This year is a little differnt, cause a whut happened last year.

I had done made all these here decorations and such, you know, them angels, deers, snowmen and all. I made this really big thing to go on the roof. Had Santa, all the reindeers, the sleigh, complete with all the goodies. Hell, even had a light up red nose, on ole Rudolph.

Was sittin on the front porch, readin the paper, wavin at all the people, on their way to werk, I do this most ever day. Just sittin here waitin on Clem, the mailman, and good buddy to drive up, with the mail, an gossip. Today, I was a thinkin bout them Christmas decorations, an whut I could do to liven em up. Bout this time Clem, showed up.

Now, Clem, always gives me some good ideeas, sos, I aksed him for some input. He said, hell, with all them little motors, an all that you got layin round, you outta make em move around and all. Man whut a good, gall danged ideea. Yep, and I can put them movinn lights and such to just give em some added action and all thet there.

I even got an old sound system thing, I can have it playing Chistmas songs. like "Rudolph the red nose reindeer", "here comes Santa Claus", and then have Santa yelling out  "ho ho ho".
I got one of them big red blinkin lights and put it on Rudolphs' nose, an ever thin.
Hell, this is gonna be one big, ole Christmas scene, I'll even mount it on the roof, sos, ever one can see it as they drive by.

So, I go out to the shop and git started on the Christmas projeck. I cut out all the snowmen, find a pattern for the reindeer, includin Rudolph. A great ole big Santa, carryin a toy bag an all, a sleigh with bells on it, even the roof mountin hardwares.

Make em all, git up on the roof, run all the wires, git it all in place. The motor for Santa, is too small to give it the right motion, but the one for Rudoplh, is perfeck. Rudolph, rocks back an forth an the light on his nose blinks an ever thin, how cool, I think.

Hook up the sound system with a recorder an all, have this big ole speaker, sos, you can hear it all real good.

I go back to the shop, look for a bigger motor, for the Santa movement, found one right off. A one horse power motor with a pulley an ever thin, now I can make Santa look like he's gittin in an outta the sleigh. Perfeck.

About two weeks after Thanks givin, all is workin perfeck. People are drivin by and enjoyin the sight. Whut with the musix,  the motion, the lights an all, this is the best display, ole Mr. Bob's, ever put on.

Ever body smiles, waves, and all the first night , that I light it all up. This goes on for about a week, I am so proud of my self, whut with seein all the happy faces an all, esspecially them little kids enjoyin it all, laughin and gigglin.

We always have a warm spell, followed by a cold spell, this time a year, in these parts, this year was no ception. This big ole storm was commin our way, sos, I went out and covered all the motors, all the lights, then unplugged it all. You can never be too careful, for these storms an all, you never know whuts gonna happen.

After the storm, I went out, uncovered ever thin, plugged it all back in, and waited to see if ever body would still drive by and see,  my, beautofully wonderment of a display.

That night, man i had a purty big group of folks, whut drove by, lookin at this wonderful display. Hell, they was all wavin, and smillin, and just lovin it. I was too. I would hold up my coffee mug, take a bow, wave at the crowds as they drove by an all.
Felt so proud, went in the house, an had a beer.

Next night, seemed to me the crowd was bigger than usual, man I really was proud now, went in the house, and had two beers, happier than a kid with a new bike.

Next night, the crowds were really huge, ever one laffin and pointin and havin a wonderful time. Held my coffee mug high, took a really big bow, cept stead of goin in the house,  thought, I would go out and mingle, with some of these folks, man, I am so proud they all love it an all. I go out there, fist thing I hear is the Christmas songs, "Rudolph the red nose reindeer," Santa Claus is commin to town," and Santa yellin "ho ho ho". Ever one, laffin, pointin, an just havin a good ole time.

I yell out real loud, howdy folks, and merry Christmas, an ever one cheers real loud.
I turn around to admire my creation thet I had done for all these here folks.......

Remember thet christmas story.....
And To My Surprise, What Shoud  Appear...

On the roof top, I guess thet storm had done smthin, to thet displa.

There was Santa, yellin, ho ho ho, Rudolphs nose, just a blinkin, cept Rudold, insteada leapin in the air, like takin to flight, was rockin back and forth, along with Santa. Man here I had Santa, humpin Rudolph, with lights a blinkin, ho ho ho, and Rudolph the red nose reindeer, all the while Santa is commin to town.

I gotta admit, it was funny an all, but this year, I'm a gonna check ever thin twice.



Sunday, October 18, 2009

Goin Back Home and The Mushroom Lesson / Final Stop

About all I can think of about this trip so far, is what is gonna happin next. This has been more fun than I have ever had in my life. Travelin the  country, meetin people, gettin stoned, learnin new stuff, and experiencing way too much.We got on the road agin, headed for Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Man I knew it would be a big city and all, what with it being, the home of ole Vince Lombardi and all, but, didn't even think about all the cheese and cheese stuff. Man, I saw more cheese stuff than I could believe.

Saw this great big ole red barn, and felt more at home, then found out it was a restaurant, put a whole new thinkin bout, "what you think you was born in  a barn". Guess these cheese people never heard that one afore. cause they just looked at me in a blank stare. Till I said, man I love cheese, then they all hugged me and all. So we smoked a doob and made friends.

Genes' sister and brother-in-law, let us crash at their house, for a couple of weeks while we checked out the sites.  They got these light houses that are so cool there with a funny name, canna island, door county,
kinda sounded like a door way to a bunch a lilies, man was I wrong. Thet has to be one of the purtiest place on earth.

We went just about ever where, even to this lake named after a kangaroo, at first I thought maybe, Captain Kangaroo, lived there, along with Mr.Green Jeans, but nope just a real purty lake, with these real big white trees, never seen the such, we only got them ole pine trees, back home.

We really didn't have a whole lotta money to go and do a whole lot, but we had a bunch of fun, got drunk, got stoned some more, then decided we better head home.

We decided to take the scenic route back home, thought maybe it would be fun to travel long side the ole Mississippi River, coming back.

First stop was in, St. Louis, saw that big ole arch, and an ole paddle boat. Made me wanna be an ole time river gambler, but you gotta have money for that and I had NONE.

Next stop was in one of these road side camp thingys. We met some other young folks , kinda like us, just out havin a good time and all.
They asked us if we wanted to share some of their mushrooms, now, I had never ate no mushrooms before and I was really hungry, I had seen em before, in the restaurants, and they really looked good.
These folks weren't even cookin em though, they said you just eat em raw, should known right then these folks is a little crazy. Stoopid me ate em any way.

Very soon like, I was sicker than a dog, and ever thin was blurry, slowed down, and just plain ole weird. Found out, these damn things, were some kinda halucegeenine thing.  Now, I didn't mind gitten stoned, mind you, but this, trippin thing, weren't for me. I guess, once a hippie hick, always a hippie hick, no full blown offical, hippie here. If that is what, trippin, was all about, I was goin back to sippin moon shine, least that way I could sleep it off. This shi.. seemed to go on and on, you couldn't just lay down and go to sleep neither. It finally wore off, and I was happy to git outta thet place, whew.

I, decided, No more stops, I just wanted to git back home, sleep in my own bed, and just plainole git back to normal doins. My hippie hick days was commin to an end.

Sos, after whut was spose to be a four day weekend, startin on Memorial day, and endin the week after, turned into a cross country trip, we finally got home in time for the Labor Day festivities. Never mind that, I slept right through it, in my own comfortable bed, back on campus. I went and cut my hair all off, shaved my beard, quit smokin, and becane just another student, and I never looked back.

TILL NOW,   LOL, I guess them were, magic mushrooms, after all.


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Part Two of Three In The Hippie Hick Road Trip








After paying the fines and towing charges for the bogus tow, we went and stayed on this really big farm. We pitched at tent out on the edge of the field, in a small clearing next to the wooded area and creek.

We discovered that the creek was full of crawfish, man like stirken gold, and these boys had no idee, whut we were all excited about. So we says we will make them a crawfish boil, if they bring plenty of beer. So we had this big ole crawsfish boil, these folks never heard of such, but they ate all them crawfish up, like they were candied apples.

The next mornin, we decided we better try and git a hold of the boys, thet wanted us to build the concert stage. We still had no idee whut was goin on, with this here concert. At this point, we were damn near broke, been in jail, in an alien state, we were just plain ole wore out, and needed money.

Finally,made contact by phone with these fellers, they said the concert site had to be moved, and for us to git headed towards Cumberland Gap. We said no problem, cept, we ain't got no money, and damn near outta gas, can they help us out. Far out, they are gonna send us five hundered  dollars, as expense money, so cool.

Now we git on the road to Cumberland Gap, whever the hell thet is. Ever body in these parts knew eggsactly where it was, and more than happy to give us directions.
I still think they was just, a wantin to git rid of the damn hippies, whut was campin on their farm.

There were so many long haired, half nude, stoned, people, wanderin aroun this Cumberland Gap area, lookin for the same concert site, that we were spose to know the whereabouts of. Hell, we just startin followin the crowds. No boby, knew nuthin, least of all me and Gene. Hell, we set up shop and startin sellin all this stuff outta the U_Haul trailer.

In just a few hours we had sold almost all the papers, bongs, and pipes. Made some more money from some candles too.

Now, we had to figger out, whut we gonna do, can't git a hold of them concert boys. Ever one just wanderin all around these campsites, we're just gettin stoned and meetin people. Ever one makin fun of our accents and all, just wanna hear us talk, man, I couldn't stop laffin.
I didn't know if I was laffin cause I was stoned, or if it was cause of all this stoopid stuff, we done and got our self into. We just give up on the concert thing, and decide just to see some country.

We head north, don't know where we're goin, just gonna figger it out as we go. Ever one is hitchin rides to go back home, and so we decide we will just pick some one up and give em a ride.

We saw this one feller, he had a big suit case, a guitar, and really looked tired. So we stopped and ask him where he was headed. He said, Paw Paw, Michigan. Hell, never heard of it, git in, we'll take you there.

Come to find out, this feller was a leather crafts guy. He had headed out for the concert, whut never happened, to sell some of his leather stuff, now, like us, he's got all this shi... and is headed home.
We all start singin, git stoned some more and head for Paw Paw, man, folks back home ain't never gonna believe this shi........

My car is about wore out now, whut with towin that U-Haul trailer and all, but we make it to Paw Paw.
First we head out to this campsite whut has a waterfall and all.Now I don't know if eny of you ever been under a waterfall afore or not, but man whut a trip.

The water just comes straight down and your hair squeeks real loud, and cold as hell. The chicks were taking shower and man did these hippie hicks git an eye full. We had never seen such afore, this has gotta be the life.
Joe, the leather guy, invites us to crash at his pad for a while, so we stay there and git stoned and learn to make leather shi... for about a week.

Gene, start thinkin bout his sister, livin in Wisconsin, an he says, hey we're so close, how a bout we go there next. Cool, but my tires are all wore out, and I don't think I got enuff money to buy none.
Joes' buddies say, no problem, we know where some are real cheap, we'll go git em for you, cool.

Gene and I start mappin out the trip to Green Bay, to see his sister, git it done,and crash early so we can git on the road in the mornin. We wake around five, Joes' buddies say come check out your new wheels. We go out side to the car, wow man, far out, brand new wheels and tires for the trip, on the car now. So we pack up and head out.

On our way outta town, Gene's given me directions and all, then he just gets real quiet. He's lookin over at a new car lot, an he says slow down a minute. We look over there, and there is a car just like mine, cept for one thing.
It's sitiin on blocks, no wheels an no tires, I look at Gene, an say, You a thinkin, whut I'm a thinkin, he says , yep.
Man, them tires whut them boys put on my car, are hot. Holy shi.... we ain't been gone but three weeks, been in jail, camped out on sum farm, showered in a waterfall, got too stoned. Now we got hot wheels.
Whut else can happen.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Week One of The Hippie Hick Road Trip / Part One



Gene was contacted by some ole boys, outa Tennessee, they needed help to set up an outdoor stage, and do the roady gig, for this thing, they were a throwin. Told him it would be somethin like Wood Stock. Ever one at this time was tryin to reinvent Wood Stock. These boys owned they own land, had all the Bands signed, but needed the stage built by Memorial day. They needed all the outside sound system built and installed, and ready to go. There was only two weeks to git this done.


When I went into Genes' store, he asked me could I build a stage, for a outside concert. Well, I wasn't sure, sos I aked him whut this was all about. He splained whut was goin on, these boys in Tennessee, and all. Hell, I woulda told him, I could build the Empire State building, right then, when the biggest thing I had ever built was an ole barn. Eny ways, he was convinced and deecided, I could go and help.
We would load up a trailer with stuff from the head shop, and set up a small booth to sell this stuff, sos we could have some extra money. They, would have all the materials on the site when we got there. We would be paid when we got there, and could make more money from sellin them candles and such


These ole boys gave us directions over the phone, said it was the quickest most direct route, to git to the ole farm house site. Now these days you didn't have no gps, or google map stuff, and the maps you did git never had no updates. Hell, some of em barely had the highways marked. They told us not to bring no pot, as there would be plenty on site, and they didn't want us to git busted if we got stopped. Maybe we should of figgered sumthin was up, after thet  little talk.


We got all loaded up and headed out early Friday mornin, had the little U-Haul trailer hooked up, stuffed to the hilt. We was all excited to go and do this, man we were real members of a historic happenin. The hippie hick, the head shop owner, were on the road to success.


Gene was about five feet and five inches tall, dressed like a Hari Krishna, his head got shaved by a group of bikers, not too long ago, cause she was hangin with him at his head shop. Me, I was five feet eleven inches tall, had waist long strawberry blond hair and a red beard, then. We looked kinda strange to folks I guess, but thet was the way it was then.


We had been driven all day, and it was startin to git dark, we saw the exit thet we had to take, and got off. Now you know how us guys are, we needed to relieve the pressure that had built up in our bladder, yes, we needed to take a leak. Sos, I take the first little gravel road I come to, go down about a quarter mile, we git ou,t stretch out, and start relievin our selves.


Man, these real bright lights come on, red flashin lights outta no where, commin from both directions.Mustta been ten of them old timey cop cars, with the spot lights, and ever thin. These cops, said, whut  you boys up to, ya'll here to set up thet concert?  Not knowin whut was goin on we said yessir, an was real polite and all. Man they arrested us right then and there, told us to lean against the vehichle, spread em out. Then they patted us down, like we had uzis or sumthin. Put handcuffs on us and told us to get in thet there cop- car, then took us to this little jail house.


When we got to this jail house we asked whut we were bein arrested for. They said, for public drunkedness, we ain't had nuthin to drink. Transportation of untaxed alcohol, I only had a pint of Southern comfort. Indecent expossure, hell, weren't nuthin out there cept maybe an owl. Resistin arrest, man you gotta be kiddin, there musta been thrity cops, and were stunned, froze in our tracks.
Then they said for disturbin the peace, man, thet must've been a really loud leak we was takin.


They took my keys, took my belt, no phone call could be made till we see the court guy. Yeah, court guy he said, I was thinkin, we are in sum deep shi.. here. They put us in this cell with sbout six other guys, that had no shoes or socks on, and had little ropes for belts. One of em came up and qasked did we have a smoke he could have, he had only ine toothe and his ears was so big I started laffin. Then I gave the ole boy a smoke, he squated on the floor and smoked it like it was a joint.


We got to lookin around and all the cells were full, we saw all kind of  people here, but almost all of em had real long hair. We asked em why they were in here.They said ain't you heard? Heard what? I asked.These here people, don't want a bunch of hippies settin up no concert in these here parts. It's all on the news and ever thin, how they have deputized ever one thet wants to wear a badge, and keep all these hippies outa their county.


Man, this is gonna be a long, two days till we see a judge, or "court guy", I'm thinkin.
We make friends with some of the guys, one of em lives on a farm real close to where the concert is suppose to be. He invites us a stay at his place, after we see the "court guy" Monday and get released.Says we can camp there.


Monday, we git called to go and see the "court guy", hell, just some little skinny, Barney Fife lookin guy. I start laffin. He says order in the court, I can't stop laffin. Then says real stern like, how do you plead?


I say, plead to whut.
You charges, he said.
I said not guilty, you honerable court guy sir.
Fine is onehundered and twenty dollars he said, cool as a cucumber.
Not guilty I said.
Fine the circuit judge comes in three weeks, you can stay in jail till he comes, he said.
I got onehundered and twenty dollars in my pocket, I said.When can I git outa here.


So far we ain't been gone a week, and we're out twohundred  forty dolars for jail and fines, and another onehundred and fifty dollars for them drivin my car and trailer to the jail, then chargin a towing fee.
So what else can happen on this here trip, we head out agin tomorrow after campin out and broke now.more to follow .
Sorry about the look of this blog, computer is actin  up thank you cable company, will post the rest of the story tomorrow.

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got that..lol

just kicken it around

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