Monday, December 7, 2009

Bob and Clem Party Easy Now

Clems brother, Jerry Wayne, has always had extremely long hair and a really long and thick beard. It was all beginning to turn gray and white. He has also always had these real thick glasses, those that are so heavy, they fall off your nose, he always, peered over his glasses.

His wife, Merlene, told him she weren't gonna have nuthin to do with him no more, iffin he didn't git that stuf cut off.
He came to me and Clem and and asked what ought he do.
Man are we gonna have some fun with this one.

We tole ole Jimmy, man we would love to hep him out iffin he was a willin to help us out.
Ole Jimmy, said anthin, long as it ain't sumthin stoopid, like havein to go to church for a year , or take out ole Blevins, ugly daughter, we laffed, hell, Jimmy we wouldn't do nuthin like thet, your married, and ain't no church we would want to punish like thet no way.

BUT!! We do have a favor.
Clara and Joe, your next door neighbors, been callin the law on us for years, ever time we have a party, an well, we would kinda like to git em back, nuthin mean  mind you, just a little fun.

Hell, they known me all my life, how you gonna have me do anythin, that'll fool them two?

Merlene, wants you to clean up, right?
You want to keep Merlene happy ,right?
So, you gonna have to have a  streme make over, right?
Hell, way we see it, they ain't even gonna know who you are. Now, you gittin the pikture?

Jerry Wayne, got his hair cut real short, got his beard all shaved off, had this fancy surgery done on his eyes, didn't wear them glasse no more. Hell, we didn't even recognize him.
Merlene was thrilled, an Jerry non stop luvin for a week.

Everbody is happy.
We take him over to Clara and Joes house, and introduce him, as a good friend from back east.
This guy, can tell you bout anythin you've done or any thin thats a gonna happen in the future.
Clara an Joes' ears perked up, tell us more they said.
So, Jerry Wayne, seein they donn't  recognize him, really gits into it.

He starts out, tellin em bout past events, bout their kids, bout how they fell in love, when they moved into their ole house, an had to fix up all the bad plummin. How six years ago Joe had a car wreck, and seven years ago Clara, won some money at the casino, just all kinds of things.
They never even once,  so much as had no idea that this was Jerry Wayne, their next door neighbor for the last twenty five years.

He asked em if they wanted to know bout their future now.
They was so amazed bout the information of their past, they yelled, HELL YES. They was excited to find out all bout it now.
Well, you got fifty dollars and I'll tell you all about your future then.

Man, I never seen Clara move that fast, she jumped up, ran to the back, came back, with five crisp ten dollar bills, just a wavin em an sayin tell us now.
Jerry Wayne takes the fifty, looks at it real hard like. lays it on the coffee table, spreads it out, and studies real hardfor bout five minutes, not sayin a word.

Ya'll have, an ole oak tree, out back, surrounded by some bramble, thorn bushes.
Joe and Clara, both shake their head yep, been here since we got this place they said.
An ole couple use to live here, Jerry Wayne continues, an you folks is bout to find their treasure. what they buried there. Seems Joe here, knows an ole man name Benard, an you two gonna meet up an fine thet ole treasure. It is buried under thet ole oak tree, just a waitin for the two of  you to dig it up. Cept, only problem is, you gotta dig at night, after midnight, can't have no lights, cept a flash light, an once you start diggin, you can't stop, or the treasure goes deeper.

Joe and Clara, are all so excited, they call Benard, right away, make plans, to start diggin thet night.
They git out there, right after midnight, they dig bout three feet down, the wind starts a blowin an a howlin, they start  hearin voices of peple wailin, chains rattlin, and bells a ringin. They git scared an run back to the house.
This goes on bout a month or so, an they is gettin reall frustrated, hell, that treasure must be fifteen feet down by now.

Clem an I, never had no problems with our parties after midnight no more.
Thanks, Jerry Wayne, hope you and Marlene stay happy too.


Lesley said...

hahaha! What a great story. I'm gonna try to never get on your bad side, Bob.

Anonymous said...

thats too funnee mr bob

Charlene said...

You have such a way of telling stories Bob. And getting back at people!

plainolebob said...

Lesley, lol looks like to me them politicians need to WATCH out for

John, can't never be toooo funny

Charlene, man coming from you, wow, what a compliment

UberGrumpy said...

It would've been even better if they'd found the treasure...

plainolebob said...

Uber, why?
as long as they keep diggin, I can party in peace

Sarah said...

that's a great comeback. i can just see now they dig into a sewage pipe or something...

Sandee said...

So that's how you can have parties all night long. I'm taking notes here. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)

Hunter said...

Good one! Keep them digging...

Bren said...

LOL loved it! Video or Pictures would have been great! :)

I Wonder Wye said...

Good advice for my parties. I will try it. Fun, too. Sorry to hear about your sad's been a trying time for a lot of folks this holiday it seems. People we love dropping like flies! Well, keep smiling, and I shall too.....

Rae said...

I have really missed you around here. There is nothing better than a good ole Bob story to make me laugh. This was a good one.

plainolebob said...

Sarah, I sure hope they don't dig into any thing like that,lol

Sandee, you gotta be creative theses days, partys really draw a crowd, and mine are never quiet

Hunter, will do

Bren, sorry hun, i barely type, can just imagine what wreck a video would be.

Amy, thank you, bless your heart I hope the holidays are good to you

Miss Rae, I would never want to let you down, i will try and write a little more often.

Anonymous said...

Love it!

ByDSea said...

hahaha! I love it!

Farila said...

LOL... Your life is so exciting BOB. I envy you ;). Your get backs always get me back on the funny mood...

plainolebob said...

Christie, i am so happy you like it

ByDaSea, lol cheers

Farila, you should always stay in a funny mood, just throw your heart, remember

Anonymous said...

Merry SITSmas!!! Congrats on all your awards, too.

Farila said...

I need to throw my heart over your stories so that my story will end with a ' And she laughed ever after' .. LOL.

Life with Kaishon said...

What a funny story : ) Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Yew gut sum spillin pwoblums tere.

Anonymous said...

Dang, you disappointed me there, I was waiting fer that there tree to fall on the house or sumpin.

Cool one though.


plainolebob said...

Midday, nice program you ladies have, merry sitsmas

Farila, thats how I always see your stuff

LK, thanks

Seretia, i never coluld spell to well

AV, man I didnt wanna hurt em....just wanted em to leave my parties alone

Lorenza said...

Well Bob hilarious as a usual...but this time it was really good...

Big hugs

Tony nile life said...

How ken yah git a job sellin free stuff. free, standin fireplaces, ok
great readin sum of your stories saves me byin a book.
problem is only the english en reed u'r blog it dont translate to good. but then it would not be funny i ges.

plainolebob said...

Lorenza, so you really thought the other stories were bad then?

Tony, I really love that part of the world, year round great weather and all.

Desertson said...

That is funny as hell! I can't stop laughing.

MsBurb said...

And sooooo....

What was the treasure Bob???

Don't tell me your don't know, 'cause I know you know, you know?

(chortle, snort)

plainolebob said...

Desertson, welcome glad you are here

Burb, now you know if I did know I still would not know you know

Carmen said...

LOL! I wonder how long they'll be digging before they get a bit suspicious. Have they not wondered at their neighbours hot new totty?

WackyMummy said...


Dayne Gingrich said...

You always put a smile on my face w/ your stories. Sounds like there may be an "ah-ha moment" in this one ;-)

plainolebob said...

Carmen, as long as they dig through the party,lol

WM, thanks

Coach, yeah,lol, or a real doh moment

Lily Robinson said...


aynzan said...

You are an amazing person..with an equally amazing story!
Cheers to your wits and spirits!

plainolebob said...

Lily, thanks glad you enjoyed

anyzan, well hi you. long time, so happy you stopped by

Anonymous said...

thanks Bobby.. your email arrived but am unable to reply as received undeliverable address message...send a another one please? medea

plainolebob said...

Medea, wow so cool to have you as the very first family member ever to leave a comment.
It really sux that the e-mails won't talk

Anonymous said...

Cuzen Bob...thenks so much fer lookin me up today! There's gotta be a better way to communicate...have different email address and try to connect to you from there. Great blog! nostalgic! ;-) m

Sandi K said...

Bob, I wish my neighbors had treasure in their backyard!

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

LOL, think they'll figure out it was hoax when they hit China?

Carmen said...

Merry Christmas Bob :D Big hugs back atcha!

Cheri Pryor said...

OMG!! Classic payback!! I thought maybe you were going to call the cops on THEM and report that they were trying to hide/bury something in their backyard. But your story was much better! lol!

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got

just kicken it around