Saturday, November 28, 2009

Clems Thanksgivin Lessen








Sittin on the front porch readin the paper, drinkin my coffee and waitin on Clem to come by with the mail, wavin at the people on their way to work.
I'm a just sittin here a thinkin bout whut all these folk is in a hurry bout.

Seems to me that the closer it gits to Christmas, the crazier them damned people drives. They drive so fast and weave in n out, hell you'd think they was all on go-carts or sumthin.

Clem, shows up with mail, goes inside and gits a cup of coffee, and we comence to talkin. He went to his brothers for thanksgivin, down at the ole family place and all, and he was full of news.
His mommas place, was in bad need of repair, and his damned brother, lazy ole cuss, wouldn't even fix the ole stairs goin up the back porch.

So, Clem decided, he'd fix up a few things while he was there. He went out and bought some paint, and brushes, some lumber to fix the back porch and all. He got it done and was walkin round to admire his handi work, when this big ole cur dog, come runnin into the yard. Hell, scared the pee outta him, so bad, he had to wring out his socks.

He went back up to the house and asked his brother, Jimmy, "how long these here ole wild dogs been a runnin up in here."
He said "bout a couple months now, they been runnin in a pack outta them ole woods. Ever since ole man Landry moved and the fence felled down, they been acomin up this a way ever since."

Well, hell, Jimmy, "Why haven't you fixed that damn fence then?"
Now, Jimmy is a big ole boy, Clems' baby brother and all, just lazy and a little slow mostly.
Clem, says "alrighty then, this a here is whut we are a gonna do."
"I'm gonna paint the front of the house, while you start puttin up the fece post. I'll go git all the stuff, lay it out show you where ever thing goes and all. I'll be back in about an hour with all the fencin stuff".

When Clem gits back, he takes Jimmy round the yard, he sets a bag of concrete where ever post should go and marks it with that orange markin paint.
Tells Jimmy "ever where you see these here orange marks, you dig a hole and bury a post, when you git em all done. I'll come back and put up the runners and you and I will hang this here fence."

So, Clem goes to the front of the house and start the paintin, he gits the front painted and don't hear nuthin from Jimmy. Sos he commences paintin, the north side of the house, gits it almost done, then spots Jimmy sittin on the front porch.

"Jimmy, You got them fence post ready yet", Clem yelled
"Yep, just waitin on you now," he says.
Clem climbs down the ladder, goes and gits the compressor out, sends Jimmy, after the air hose and nail gun.
He goes round to the back to git started.

"Jimmy, what  the hell, wheres them posts at, thought you done had ever thing  ready here."

Jimmy, yells back, "it is ready, I'll be there in just a minute."

Jimmy comes walkin back, with the nail gun and the air hose, and asks Clem, where he wants em.
"Well, I'd a want em by the first post, iffin I could find it."

"Well. hell, its right here, where you said to start." Jimmy said.
"Where the hell are they then," Clem asks?

"Well hell, your a standin on em right now," Jimmy says," right next to them sacks of concrete.
Right there where yo tole me to bury em, I buried all of em, bout, sixteen to eighteen inches down, and they is ready for that concrete now.

Man you could just see the redness wellin up in ole Clem eyes, Mr. Bob , that derned fool actually buried all them damn post, and thought that was they way its spose to be, hell, he didn't even leave a nub outta the ground to nail to.

Alls I could do was laff and ask, "sos how did you hang them fence pickets", just couldn;t hep my self.

31 comments:

john said...

lmao , yea yous boys are smarterer then most:)
therez an ad on the my page:
Fencing Estimates
Find 5-Star Rated Fencing Pros, All Backed by Our Service Guarantee!
www.ServiceMagic.com
he sure do do majic, wit them postses :D

Charlene said...

This is why fence buildin' and beer drinkin' don't mix! LOL!

Sandee said...

I kind of thought that was how Mr. Lazy was going to put the posts in. When Clem said bury, I figured that's exactly what would happen. For a minute there I also thought you were writing about my brother. I'm not talking about Clem either. Bwahahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day and weekend Bob. Big hugs. :)

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Hi Bob, what are you doing?
I can picture very well Clem's surprising eyes!
Oh Bob, you didn't fail to make me laugh for one more time!!
Hope you're having a wonderful weekend my sweet friend.
Love to ya!
hugs hugs

plainolebob said...

John, thanks for the free advertizin

Charlene, mite not mix but sure makes it less achin

Sandee, you probably had it happen already then, lol

Betty, Clem surprizes easy too

San said...

Clever dialect. Clever plot. Clever lesson. I mean lessen.

plainolebob said...

San, thanks, read some of the older stuff if you like the dialect

Argentum Vulgaris said...

I had a feelin' in my water, but I really didn't think he'd do it...

AV

plainolebob said...

AV, I had a feelin in my water one time, but it was too late, kinda like seenin them cone that say "wet floor" and you do

Rae said...

That must be some of that new fangled underground fencing. Jimmy was just putting in that invisible dog fencing. Poor old Clem. What a way to spend Thanksgiving.

Sarah said...

clem fencing company -- if you don't see it, we've done our job!

Alice in Wonderland said...

Hi Bob, how are you doing?
Well, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this one! You never fail to make me smile, but this one has to be one of the best!
Big hugs!

plainolebob said...

Miss Rae, I just knew you would come up with an idea for me

Sarah, and you came up with the perfect motto

Elizabeth said...

Love the story~
:D

Jenno said...

"sos how did you hang them fence pickets", what's a little insult to injury between friends anyway, right? LOL Too funny!

hugs!

Farila said...

LOL.. I would give big prize to anyone who can read your blog with a straight face...

Please collect the humble award I want to give for your blog ...

plainolebob said...

Elizabeth, welcome and glad you

Jenno, yep i've always been that way with Clem,lol

Farila, oh, going there now

Smileyfreak said...

ROTFLMAO thanks for posting,that was great :)

MaryRC said...

LOL we all have a jimmy in our family dont we.. LOL

Kate said...

Oh poor Clem. I am still laughing though - much needed today

Kate x

Dan said...

I really love the way you write Bob. It’s almost like I can hear your voice as I'm reading and it makes me think up a mental image of you that is probably totally wrong.

Loved the story as well.

plainolebob said...

Mary, i hope all families do, i would hate for any one to miss out

Kate, like same same brothers,lol

Dan, thanks that makes my day

Francis said...

nice post. i like your style!

Secretia said...

That is a nice story.

Secretia

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

I was gonna ask if you all could come over and finish OUR fence here but, nevermind. :)

Just Playin' said...

I really need a fence!!!!! I don't want em buried though. On my wish list! Are you decorating yet? I bet you are.

UberGrumpy said...

Awesome as aver! Award for you over at my place, for you to add to your gigantic collection

plainolebob said...

Frank, thanks for coming over here

Secretia, thanks

Mike, i have specials for cat owners

Sandra, yep decorating is done

Uber, cool will check it out

The Chef said...

this stuff needs to made into a tv show - always amusing.

MsBurb said...

Haha...I think...although, as a daughter of a farm boy I saw this comin' from the first fence word writin'...sorry!

MsBurb (Daughter of a ex farm boy who burned piles of leaves ONLY on windy days)

teacherwriter said...

The Christmas maddness and driving for some, just don't mix! (I tend to sneak around the back roads getting places.)

Anyway, I wanted to let you know I have awarded you the Beautiful Award for you and your wonderful site. You entertain with the best stories and you always share your kind and generous heart with all of us. You are appreciated and I thank you. So come on over and get your button!

http://kjlong-teacherwriter.blogspot.com/2009/12/honor-to-receive.html

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got that..lol

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