Sunday, November 1, 2009

Mr. Bobs' "Higher- High" Educational Encounter All Dressed Up



I, know, this is gonna be hard for some of you to understand, specially if you have known me and followed, this blog for any length of time.
I have never talked about this part of my existence before, but I thought just, maybe, you might git a chuckle outta it.
Back in 1968, I decided, no actually, my family decided, that I not only needed to further my education, but that I should do it on a small Baptist college. Yikes, bummer, and any other adjective you wish to  use here, any way, this was way out of my element and comfort zone.

Most of the guys here, were bible thumpin, knock on your door, Jesus saves, dorks. No offense to any one that falls into this category, mind you, I was only eighteen at the time. Except  the fact that, my hair was down to the middle of my back, I smoked cigarettes, I smoked pot, I drank, and every third phrase outta my mouth was, "you gotta be shittin me", and "far out fuck wad". As you can see at that time I would not be the model canidate for student of the year on this little bible school.

My room mate, was this weird little fellow from, "Philly", with an even more strange name, David Dingbutt, changed his last name just in case. This guy was hung up, on show tunes, and Frank Sinatra. Me, it was Quick Silver Messenger Service, and Pink Floyd, for the easy listening stuff an Janis and Jimmy for the more moderate. I might write about this educated idiot some time.

I stayed off campus, as much as possible, hung out at the park, gazebo, played frisbee, listened to music and stayed stoned. These were the good times, no hard drugs then, just for "medicinal" purposes any way, yep, I was sick of that campus.

I found out really quick, I was a different type of student. I wasn't a religious type, I wasn't a studious type, I was mostly a party type. This did not blend in on this campus. They were, short hair, polished shoes, neat pressed shirts and slacks types. Me, long hair, beard, tie-dyed-tee shirts, bell bottom jeans, and sandles, a much more laid back type.

Every, Wednesday, was a mandatory chapel, I went to twice, I liked it so much, that I hired this off campus wino, to sit in my seat every Wednesday, for the roll call, for the duration of my life there. This fellow found the lord, and became a Baptist preacher, so as you can see there was a silver lining.

The only major expense, that I incurred, was this stoopid meal ticket, that you had to purchase. This was the biggest waste of money ever for me. I never ate breakfast, and the lunch was just a time to collect all the different colors of jello, I liked to use the jello to stain the sidewalks, made all type of art work there, you know, peace signs, and that type of stuff. Mistake was I would do it right on the cafeteria sidewalk as you walked up to the door. I wrote with the jello, this jello, causes cancer and brain disease.

Man, I was always in this little dean guys office.
Now this guy, Damn, he was a retired military officer, about five feet four inches tall, had that attitude of , "boy", my way or the highway, I always said, "fine, can I have a map". He hated me, and ,well, I was no fan of his either.

Guess I was just considered a "Rebel" here.

My biggest problem on this campus was with the cafeteria, as I had a problem here, right away, in fact, there were, two instances that I had to go and see the dean, I am only going to tell you about one right now.

You have to remember this was 1968, and "who", I was then.

I decided to attend the Sunday luncheon meal, I woke up late, got in a hurry to make it over there before they closed the lines and stopped serving. I walked in side just in time, they were still serving, and very few people were still there.
The girl, snickers, and says sorry, I can't serve you.

I say, why can't you serve me, the line is still open.

You are dressed improperly, I was informed.
Hell, I had on my t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. She informed me, that to be served, Sunday lunch, you "MUST" wear a coat and tie.
I tried to turn on the charm.
I said. oh I'm sorry sweetheart, can you let me slide just this once, I won't tell any one, and I really am hungry, besides there is no way that I can make it back to the dorm, change and get back here before you close the doors.
An emphatic, resonating  NO, was belted out.

My charm wore off immediately.
Then get the hell outta my way, and I will serve my self, and I did.
She walked over to my table, picked up the meal ticket, off of my tray, and wrote down the number.

Next morning.
Had a note on my dorm room door.
Mr. Byford, please report to the dean before returning to class.
OKEY DOKE then

The dean and I, if you remember are not fans of each other.
 Mr. Byford, at this school, as stated in the orientation manual, that I am sure you received, it clearly states, and he had the book opened and underlined, a coat and tie are required for Sunday luncheon meal.

I tried to explain the situation, no dice, this prick wasn't going to hear any of it.
NO EXCUSES, coat and tie only, good day, and he dismissed me.

That next sunday, I was first in line for the Sunday luncheon. Had my, coat and tie on, and thers she was, the cafeteria policewoman.
She walks over to my table, picks up my meal ticket, writes down the number.

Next morning, had a note on my dorm room door.
Mr. Byford, please report to the dean before returning to classes.
OKEY DOKEY then.

Mr. Byford, a coat must be worn right side out, and a shoe string, even if colored red, is still not a tie.

I pulled out my copy of the orientation manual, highlighted and underlined.
Show me where it says that.
It merely states in its' vagueness, "a coat and tie, are required for Sunday luncheon meal", no mention of any qualifications or exclusions.
I dismissed  myself, turned, closed the door, as I left his office.

That Wednesday, in their, mandatory, chapel, they were introduced to an addendum, to the "orientation" manual.
Male students attending the Sunday luncheon, Must wear a coat, that coat MUST be worn in the fashion that it was designed, ie...it MUST be worn right side out, a tie MUST be worn, that tie must be a proper tie, WITHOUT exception,ie.a shoe string or other substitute will NOT qualify, as a tie. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Wow, over night, I became a campus legend, imagine that, the ole hippy hick, scored.

Oh, and by the way, the ole wino, I hired, to sit in for roll call, yep, ran into him just the other day.
He was drunk on his ass, and he had just accepted a new position, as the new dean, on that campus.
Go figure


59 comments:

Rae said...

You made my day. I love that story and laughed out loud. You were such a rebel. How did you turn into such a sweetheart now? Bess must really have worked a magic spell on you. And now you can take credit for filling the current Dean position with a former wino too.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That is a great story!! I think the dean should feel blessed that you wore pants!!

john said...

mr bob :D you have a wayof cheering my ass up every time!
im in histerics at the picture of a stoned out hippy with tye dye fingers, scrolling peace signs and hendrix songs outside the lunchroom doors, blocking the bible thumpers entry as they chant verses from proberbs , sprinkling holy water on you as your boombox blasts the 8track cassette soundtrack from helter skelter and the omen :D

Suzy said...

I've joined your followers here. I never join 2 blogs by one person. I just have too much to read already!

ps. your "reply to" doesn't work on your emails.

plainolebob said...

Miss Rae,
So happy to make your day.Yeah me and that new dean had a good laff.

Thanks Lee, yeah didn't ever care for short hair either. lol

John,that jello really did do a good job. I even wrote, "suppose they threw a chaple and no one came"lol. nearly got kicked out for that one.

Suzy, I don't know which email you are using, but have been getting yours ok. try this one it is a really old one, but still works
bobcindychris@suddenlink.net

Sarah said...

this explained why they all say catholic girls are the wildest. :) i do hope you have a picture of the sidewalk painting. lol

plainolebob said...

Sarah, hmmm..I think they have replace that sidewalk by now,lol

Alice in Wonderland said...

Bob, that really made my day! I can just see you, you old devil, standing there with your coat inside out and a red shoe lace tie!
You never fail to make me laugh!
Loads of love to you and Bess!!! XXXX

plainolebob said...

Alice, we had a reunion a couple of years ago, that i attended, every one still remembered that and laffed.
BIG HUGS

Ahsan said...

so fun too read. I enjoyed

Aion said...

mr bob you actually turned back time for me today :0) ty! I thoroughly enjoyed that! beads, hoop earings, moo moos, head bands and long hair.. man I miss those days.. well NOT the MOO MOOS (bad mental image sry) lol but the rest... thanks for sharing.

Will Burke said...

Omigawd, that was too funny! I, too, went to Bible College at that age, and though I was much more "Into it" at the time, my friend & I found ways to add rules to the hand book. I warked at a Christian daycare at the time, and fattened their rule book too: "Don't date the parents." Oh yeah, I was doing the couger thing before it was fashionable! Thanks for the kind words on my Blog, and you're sure to see me back here again (Isn't VL a peach!)

Pollyanna said...

Never pegged you as conventional - thanks for not disappointing me :)

Hunter said...

Nice stuff. I'm off to find a red shoelace, as I'm in need of a new tie. ;)

Secretia said...

Well then, are you shittin me?

plainolebob said...

Ah, thank you, and I loved your site

Aion, watch out, your from my era, wow, how cool

Will, welcome,just found out what the cougar thing was, oh well it don't bother me none, I kinda like it.

Polly, lol, I just knew you would know, you and I are a lot alike, lol, cept your a hunderd years younger

Hunter, I don't know, those long shoe laces are hard to find now

Secretia, I shit you not,lol

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

Could someone tell Hunter you have to PAINT the shoe laces red. Use Jello. 1968 was a great year! I graduated to "big boy pants" as I was two. Bob, thank you for sharing that great story, buddy

plainolebob said...

Mike,
short pants,lol, short pants.
man thoughs cats would have a hey day, short pants, can't quit,lol

Melissa B. said...

Yeah, I think I would have served myself, too. Grew up in the Buckle of the Bible Belt myself, so I know what you're talking about...

kys said...

That was a great story! They probably still talk about you on that campus.

teacherwriter said...

Too funny, Bob the Baptist :-) And did you endure the experience for long? Personally, I would've been outta there in a heartbeat and joined the flower children movement in San Francisco. Peace.

Just Playin' said...

Fun to read! Same year as me! Those were the days! I went to a non-Bible college and we weren't allowed to "sit" on the ground by the lake! Bench, yes. Ground, no. Must write about that someday!

Tough Cookie Mommy said...

This post truly hit home for me. My Mother In Law, whom I'm supposed to love dearly is a Born Again Christian. She is extremely conservative and does not wear pants, makeup, jewelry, or anything that women generally like to wear. Now, I don't want to offend anyone, however, you can imagine how she looks upon me with my nose ring and my tattoo. In any case, I love the way you stood up for your individuality. Thank you for sharing this.

plainolebob said...

Melissa, thanks but I'll always regret not going for seconds.

Kys, I'm not sure, but every one remembers that and a few more things that happened, at every reunion.

Teach, lol,"Bob the Baptist" I like it, left every chance I got too.

Miss Sandra, sorry but I see you more as an on the ground girl, uh uh I mean er, you know what I mean.lol

TCM, you are right, and I believe we all should stand up for what we believe in, and our individuality must never die, Bess says, I take up too many causes, but I believe, kinda like the nike thing, just do it.

Tgoette said...

Very funny Bob! I love to read stories about people prevailing over idiotic rules and regulations and that just goes double for those high and mighty bible thumpers! You rock!

Carmen said...

:D I thought you were going to say you turned up in a jacket and tie... and nothing else! Hehehe. I bet you are a legend still to this day on that campus ;)

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

I loved your story. It made me laugh out loud!!
They propably still remember you in that campus!
hugs hugs

plainolebob said...

Toget, man those rule were just too stoopid, that campus is much bigger now, hell, they even got a football team now.

Carmen and Betty,
yeah that all still remember me for that plus some other stuff, always lave an impression, I guess

Sandee said...

You would have been very interesting to watch. Just saying. Bwahahahahahaha. Well, you do have some valid points in your case here. A legend indeed.

Have a terrific day. Big hug to you and Bess. :)

Smileyfreak said...

Brilliant post! :) The picture of you giving the dean what for is one I will remember lol

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Talk about a rebel with a cause, I loved it, "The I dismissed myself" damn near fell off the chair.

AV

plainolebob said...

Sandee, a legend in my mind any way, huh,lol

Smileyfreak cool, gald you liked it

AV, well he dissmissed me the first time, soooo

Charlene said...

"Can I have a map?" LOVE it! Gotta remember that one!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Good morning!
there's something for you on my site.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Bob, that's an excellent idea.
You have so many to tell,and your writing style is so descriptive!!
Go for it!!!
Love you both
hugs hugs

Kate said...

Love this story!

Simon said...

Part of the fun of the sixties was the reaction from the straightjackets.Pure indignation which made it even better.I remember being spat on in the street by a woman old enough to be my mother!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Hi Bob and Bess,
Please check out my tomorrow's post.
There will be the rules of this Award which i' haven't displayed by mistake, and i'm really sorry for that.

Tina said...

You were always making waves then Bob! Not just plain ole Bob after all!

plainolebob said...

Charlene, dean did not like tho,lol

Betty thanks will post it too

Kate, I love it when you say I love you, er uh, this story

Tina, just plain ole and blend in dull ordinary hick kinda guy now

Simon, I was a hippy, but was in a really big military family

blueviolet said...

hahaha, you were a stinker!

Boomer Pie said...

Hippies and Baptists make strangely humorous bedfellows. Tie dye rocks.
http://www.boomerpie.com/

plainolebob said...

Blue,
the operative word is was, still have my moments though

Boomer, it was a definite clash,in an era of clashes

LookingForNormal said...

bob ok I'm smilin, pretty strict huh? My husband went to catholic school and was called to office it was upstairs. He was amazed at this bird that the guy had in the room. Wings all big and spread out ya know. He wasn't that old and I think they were completely to harsh on him by kicking him out of the school just because he took the stuffed hawk or whatever it was and let it go off the top of the stairs to see if it could fly. lol. No second chance? What the hell??

LookingForNormal said...

Bob make sure that you read my latest post on how to maitain our insanity.! I think you will like it. I can actually picture you doing some of the things. tammy.

plainolebob said...

Tammy, how funny, get kicked out of school for a stuffed bird, no sense of humor in higher education

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

What a great story. Very amusing. Glad I stumbled by here. One of my followers follows you.
Check out my dating disasters when you get a minute: plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

Fran Hill said...

Really enjoyed this. Like your style. It made me laugh. Thanks for following me. PS Word verification is 'dazed'. Very appropriate for this blog post!

Fran Hill said...

Sorry to confuse. I mean, because of all your references to dope in the post ...! Wow, I made a good start with my amazing communication abilities, did I not?

Jenno said...

Gotta love uptight asshats that think that their way is the ONLY way. Like one can't eat without a coat and tie? BS, I say. Glad you stood up for yourself, even if you kind of lost. It's still a win in my book. <3

plainolebob said...

Fish, glad you found me, welcome

Fran, thanks for stoppin by, glad you enjoyed

Jenno, man that place was so backward then, and I was so different than most that were there, it was crazy

Just Playin' said...

YOu might like to read Ride With The Horseman by Ferrel Sams. Reminds me of the way you write.

WhisperingWriter said...

This is hilarious!

plainolebob said...

Miss Sandra, thank you I will try and find it, it is just hard to believe anyone could be as stoopid as me.

WW., glad you liked it and thanks for stoppin by

San said...

You were a lovable hippy hick. And I love your style--I've always liked really skinny ties.

Thanks for stopping by at my place and leaving a comment. I'm sorry to report that it disappeared into cyberspace as I was attempting to "moderate comments." I once never found moderation necessary. Until a few weeks ago when I got 85 porn links to old posts. Maybe I should try word verification instead. I know I lost your comment and at least one other.

I believe yours began "Although I don't usually.." or "I'm not one to..." and that's all I saw. If you ever want to wander back and comment again, please do. I haven't added a new post since you were there, however.

style bug said...

Hey, Bob! Yes, i'm fine after sleeping 12 hrs.(flu shot) How are ya? It's been very cold here, 0 Celcius! Perhaps the cold has gotten to me, or not. Anyway thanks for the thought! I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. Today's my first time online. :)

plainolebob said...

San, I enjoyed the post, it kinda reminded me of my accident that I had posted on here, and thanks for stoppin by, I will be back

Julie so glad your better.

Lorenza said...

Hey Bob that was a real war...Perfect during that time...what an experience anyhow...interesting post, you made me smile

Love & rainbow

Cheri Pryor said...

lol! Now how did these folks know YOU weren't Jesus coming back to test them? Seems as though they weren't very accepting of you. WWJD? Well, he wouldn't care what they wore to Sunday meal. lol!!

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got that..lol

just kicken it around

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