Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Aint Christmas Shopping Fun












Twas the week before Christmas and all through the land.
Shopping is hectic, got plastic in hand.
Walmart and Target are price cutting like hell.
In hopes that you'll buy from them as well.

The kids are hinting at the things they want this year.
While visions of debt is the only vision that is clear.
Mamma in rollers hunting for sales, and me at home taking a nap.
I guess something can be said about the gender gap.

When out in the parking lot, I heard something shatter,
Officer Obie, jumped into action to see whats the matter.
Alarms were blowing, and lights were flashing.
All you could see was a little ole man in a hadicap cart dashing (driving that thing at break neck speed too)

When what to your wondering eyes should appear,
The local police, in full dressed swat gear.
Poor little man in the handicap cart,
Was banned form shopping for Christmas at this Walmart.

Behind the wheel now and heading home with the loot,
The drivers are crazy, the traffic is heavy, watch out for that ole coot.
He's driving that cart, coming our way.
He acts like he's angry, hell, he's yellin "make my day"

I dont know what is under this hood, on Dancer, Vixen, or Cupid
Let's get outta here before that ole man does somethin stoopid.
So out of the parking lot I speed away, like Santa flying in his sleigh,
Man I should've shopped earlier, Like in the month of May.

When I get to house, with loot in hand,
I spring from the truck,  oh no, in dog poop I stand.
I learned my lesson, thats for sure,
Shopping for Christmas is a lot of manure.




44 comments:

Bruce Coltin said...

This was a damn riot! I'm pretty sure it will become a classic.

UberGrumpy said...

I love the 'dog poop' ending!

plainolebob said...

Bruce, lol it already is, have been out there shopping, wow what a mess

Uber, thought you would like that,lol

Carmen said...

LOL! Utter brilliance Bob! The answer to your quandry my friend is feet up, beverage of choice in hand, and do the lot online. Ohhhh yes!

Mind you I say this knowing my evil partner is dragging me out shopping tomorrow. I was bought with the promise of a fried breakfast when I get there. Curse my stomach!

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahaha. This sounds about right. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)

Aion said...

Great Stuff Bob, great stuff!!
Made my morning :)

ByDSea said...

Ain't that just the truth!
Merry Christmas!
C

plainolebob said...

Carmen, i am learning that

Sandee, the ole cone was moved

Thanks Aion

ByDSea, christmas shopping takes its toll

Sarah said...

that was great! love the dog poop as well. maybe next year do an 'online shopping rhyme'

Christiejolu said...

LMAO! This was great!

Ryan said...

ahahahahaha

plainolebob said...

Sarah, seems like i am always steppin in it.

Christie, good yo hear you laff.

Ryan, let the dog explain it to the alien

Rae said...

That was a fun read. Really sums up the experience too.

Mr.Poo said...

Thats why I order my stuff on the internet :) But I like the part with the dog Poop. You should get the dog dooh calendar I poosted about :)

Bendigo said...

I do believe I found my new favorite chirstmas poem ..perfect

MsBurb said...

Way to go Bob!!!

I was going to do the same damn thing on MURDER, for the 24th, on TLB2...

*MsBurb's lower lip quivering, as she gulps back the tears*

That's okay, I'm alright, don't worry 'bout little ol' me...(snivel)

I'll go find another Christmas tradition to screw up instead (snivel)

*MsBurb walking away now, shoulders bent in, her hands grasping at a hanky as she wipes away a tear with the back of her hand, walking alone, all alone, into the blizzardy sunset...*

plainolebob said...

Miss Rae, your blog really had me riled today

Poo, lol how did I not know that

Bendigo, a favorite how cool

Burb, I am sorry bout that, don't be upset, here hold my hand, ain't gonna let you walk alone

Lita C. Malicdem said...

I love how you played with words and with 7 stanzas- you have described the joys and pains of Christmas shopping in a hilarious manner-ending it with a "bang"- the "dog poop". Congratulations!

Lesley said...

hahaha! Great job!

Anonymous said...

Super!

Have a look at the piece I posted yesterday headed The Twelve Days of Christmas. It's a series of letters from the recipient of the 'gifts.' :-))

Anastasia F-B said...

Anonymous was me, of course!

Alice in Wonderland said...

Hi Bob, I just had to write to tell you how much I loved that poem!
It looks like I have some real competition going on next year! I'm going to have to think of something different to do!
Hope you are well. Big hugs!

Secretia said...

What a great job of portraying the shopping before Christmas!

Rapunzel said...

Brilliant! And if we just changed the shop names you could be talking about over here in the UK. Or msot other countries for that matter!

www.talesfromthetower.co.uk

Farila said...

ROTHFLOL.... Bob, you will change the face of poetry someday.. No one will love to read regular poetry if you keep writing ...
We do not have such scene here in India. I have yet to see anything indicating Christmas in my place and I feel sad about it.

plainolebob said...

Lita, I had no idea, no really

Lesley, thanks do much, did you like the political spin

Anastasia, so glad you found me

Alice, wow, is your neck doing better?

Secretia, I hate shopping during normality, much less Christmas

Rapunzel, wild shopping must be universal

Farila, You are the lucky one then, don't be sad, you are our Christmas package when you grace our blogs.

Lorenza said...

Hey Bob to stand in dog's pop bring luck! At least in Italy...

Big Hugs

Kate said...

Bob you are just awesome. I love you

Kate xx
http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/

plainolebob said...

Lorenza, good luck then

Kate, thanks doll

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

Ya know Bob, doesn't sound like Louisana any different than California!

I blew snot out my nose laughing

Just Playin' said...

Now Bob, you know you like Christmas shopping! Now git on out there with everybody else and just do it. Get you some fudge and divinity to go and you can have some hot toddy by the fire when you survive it and get back home. See that's not so bad is it!

plainolebob said...

i just wish i could wrap you all up and put you under the tree

Bren said...

Haha really needed that. One more present to find and I'm super scared to find out what awaits me! Last year I was the target for the old person with the cart, except it was a granny!

Richard said...

Merry Christmas, Bob!

style bug said...

Hi, Bob! So sorry for the delay. Just wantedf to say howdy. I've been displaying my stuff at the local gallery

Cheri Pryor said...

lol! Sounds like this dude probably ended up on peopleofwalmart.com driving his cart like a bat out of hell...

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

That was way too funny! And so very true... ;)

Wishing you a Very Merry Christmas! :)

Armando said...

plainolebob just wanted to say thank you for following my blog, and happy new year. also, I hope this new year will bring a lot of blessings to you and all your loved ones. I hope you have a chance to stop by and read my last posting, because honestly I need as many people. Willing to hear my voice and my story sincerely yours Armando.

PS, I will be able to put more comments as well on your blog and all the ones that I follow. Thanks to a program. I just got that allows me to speak into the microphone of my computer, and she'd take care of most of the grammar and all the spelling. So I will be able not only do this, but to ride better blogs in the future. Thank you and God bless you

plainolebob said...

Wow hope I can get caught up with you guys, love and hugs

BlossomFlowerGirl said...

Greetings from Australia.
I really like your poem - especially the last verse!
Thanks for visiting my blog and your comments - they're always appreciated.
All the best for the new year.
Cheers.
Melbourne Daily Photo

lyingbastards said...

all the best in 2010

Dan said...

Big man, sorry I haven't been over for a bit, my net usage has been low lately. Hope your Xmas was a good one, and wishing you all the best for 2010. And keep writing this blog, you have one hell of a distinct voice.

Peas my friendly!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Happy New Year! :)

Cheri Pryor said...

Okay, but will I be seeing said handicap cart man on peopleofwalmart.com???

Thanks for the laugh...even as I try to recover from Christmas Debt. lol!

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got that..lol

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