Sunday, October 25, 2009



Every year around Halloween, when every one is still doing the ghoul thing, I go out to my shop and start checking out the Christmas lights, take an inventory, figger out how many lights I'm gonna need, to spruce up this years, Christmas display.

This year is a little differnt, cause a whut happened last year.

I had done made all these here decorations and such, you know, them angels, deers, snowmen and all. I made this really big thing to go on the roof. Had Santa, all the reindeers, the sleigh, complete with all the goodies. Hell, even had a light up red nose, on ole Rudolph.

Was sittin on the front porch, readin the paper, wavin at all the people, on their way to werk, I do this most ever day. Just sittin here waitin on Clem, the mailman, and good buddy to drive up, with the mail, an gossip. Today, I was a thinkin bout them Christmas decorations, an whut I could do to liven em up. Bout this time Clem, showed up.

Now, Clem, always gives me some good ideeas, sos, I aksed him for some input. He said, hell, with all them little motors, an all that you got layin round, you outta make em move around and all. Man whut a good, gall danged ideea. Yep, and I can put them movinn lights and such to just give em some added action and all thet there.

I even got an old sound system thing, I can have it playing Chistmas songs. like "Rudolph the red nose reindeer", "here comes Santa Claus", and then have Santa yelling out  "ho ho ho".
I got one of them big red blinkin lights and put it on Rudolphs' nose, an ever thin.
Hell, this is gonna be one big, ole Christmas scene, I'll even mount it on the roof, sos, ever one can see it as they drive by.

So, I go out to the shop and git started on the Christmas projeck. I cut out all the snowmen, find a pattern for the reindeer, includin Rudolph. A great ole big Santa, carryin a toy bag an all, a sleigh with bells on it, even the roof mountin hardwares.

Make em all, git up on the roof, run all the wires, git it all in place. The motor for Santa, is too small to give it the right motion, but the one for Rudoplh, is perfeck. Rudolph, rocks back an forth an the light on his nose blinks an ever thin, how cool, I think.

Hook up the sound system with a recorder an all, have this big ole speaker, sos, you can hear it all real good.

I go back to the shop, look for a bigger motor, for the Santa movement, found one right off. A one horse power motor with a pulley an ever thin, now I can make Santa look like he's gittin in an outta the sleigh. Perfeck.

About two weeks after Thanks givin, all is workin perfeck. People are drivin by and enjoyin the sight. Whut with the musix,  the motion, the lights an all, this is the best display, ole Mr. Bob's, ever put on.

Ever body smiles, waves, and all the first night , that I light it all up. This goes on for about a week, I am so proud of my self, whut with seein all the happy faces an all, esspecially them little kids enjoyin it all, laughin and gigglin.

We always have a warm spell, followed by a cold spell, this time a year, in these parts, this year was no ception. This big ole storm was commin our way, sos, I went out and covered all the motors, all the lights, then unplugged it all. You can never be too careful, for these storms an all, you never know whuts gonna happen.

After the storm, I went out, uncovered ever thin, plugged it all back in, and waited to see if ever body would still drive by and see,  my, beautofully wonderment of a display.

That night, man i had a purty big group of folks, whut drove by, lookin at this wonderful display. Hell, they was all wavin, and smillin, and just lovin it. I was too. I would hold up my coffee mug, take a bow, wave at the crowds as they drove by an all.
Felt so proud, went in the house, an had a beer.

Next night, seemed to me the crowd was bigger than usual, man I really was proud now, went in the house, and had two beers, happier than a kid with a new bike.

Next night, the crowds were really huge, ever one laffin and pointin and havin a wonderful time. Held my coffee mug high, took a really big bow, cept stead of goin in the house,  thought, I would go out and mingle, with some of these folks, man, I am so proud they all love it an all. I go out there, fist thing I hear is the Christmas songs, "Rudolph the red nose reindeer," Santa Claus is commin to town," and Santa yellin "ho ho ho". Ever one, laffin, pointin, an just havin a good ole time.

I yell out real loud, howdy folks, and merry Christmas, an ever one cheers real loud.
I turn around to admire my creation thet I had done for all these here folks.......

Remember thet christmas story.....
And To My Surprise, What Shoud  Appear...

On the roof top, I guess thet storm had done smthin, to thet displa.

There was Santa, yellin, ho ho ho, Rudolphs nose, just a blinkin, cept Rudold, insteada leapin in the air, like takin to flight, was rockin back and forth, along with Santa. Man here I had Santa, humpin Rudolph, with lights a blinkin, ho ho ho, and Rudolph the red nose reindeer, all the while Santa is commin to town.

I gotta admit, it was funny an all, but this year, I'm a gonna check ever thin twice.


Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Ahhhh! So you're the Griswold house! ;)

I probably would have been laughing and pointing, too... ;)

So how long does it take you to put all those decorations up, and when do you get started?

Tell Bess Hi! :)

Sarah said...

um...with little kids there in the crowd? somebody call the police! lol!!

Hunter said...

That's hilarious. You could probably sell the humping version for big bucks!

Charlene said...

I'm with Hunter. Someone paid $20 for a motorized leg humpin dog for Rob's 40th birthday. I can only imagine what a humpin' Santa goes for around Xmas. Great story!

Alice in Wonderland said...

As usual, you made me laugh until my jaw ached! I can just see it! All the angry moms rushing their kids by to stop them from seeing a humping Santa! I even had to show some of my friends this! I'm NEVER going to put on another display again...just in case of accidents like this!
Hugs to you and Bess!

ByDSea said...

That's hysterical! Can I put my order in? Would fit in perfectly at my nuthouse!

Betty said...

Ahhh! Bob, i can picture it and i'm still laughing.Thanks.
A humpin Santa!
Well,when do you get started the decoration?
hugs hugs to you and Bess:)

plainolebob said...

Stacy, it usually take me at least a couple of cases of beer. lol, about a week.

Sarah, they thought he was pettin rudolph,lol.

Hunter, lol, Aquaman would love it huh!

Charlene, now you and hunter gone and done it, I just got a call from Larry Flint.

Alice, I just knew you would love this, knowing that your getting every thing ready and all. big hugs

ByDsea, not a bad ideea, maybr I can market em. lol

Betty, start puttin up the stuff right after halloween, but don't light em till the day after Thanksgiving.

plainolebob said...

Bob, does this ever year, and it has gotten bigger and bigger, every year.
I just wanted to say hi, to every one.
Love and hugs.

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Pollyanna said...

You should definately take a page from Santa's book - checkin' it twice! I'd have hated to see your electric bill :)

plainolebob said...

Polly, yes it does run higher, but i have been switching out to those low cost style the last few years. they are even brighter.

Dayne Gingrich said...

A humpin santa???!!! LMAO!

Bob, you freakin crack me up. Say hi to Bess for me.


plainolebob said...

Coach Dayne,
it was funny, but his hearf was in the right place

Carmen said...

Oh dear - Poor Rudolph :D I can imagine the scene now, however will you top that this year?

You do know after your comment over at mine that you neeeed to show us your desk now don't you? ;)

plainolebob said...

my ole polaroid thing don't werk too good, and my desk pikture would be too scary for halloween. lol

Farila said...

One of these years I am coming over to USA to check out your decorations..

The Blonde Duck said...

How funny!

Rae said...

Hysterical. I wish you were my neighbor. I would be so entertained.

plainolebob said...

Miss Rae I would love bein your neighbor, I'd even paint your fence.

plainolebob said...

Farila, you are welcome here any time.

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

You know, Santa knows when you've been good or bad. LOL Santa's bringing me a lump a coal anyway so put me in for an order of the humpin santa display. :)

Just Playin' said...

You nut!! You'll have to post a picture this year. This was really, frilly funny.

Bendigo said...

I definitely have to drive by your house this year...Maybe we can leave the kids at home for this ride though :)

Jenno said...

Bob, you sure have a way with telling a good story. I L'd MAO! You should reprise your awesome job again though -- but perhaps make them a little more portable with handles on the back to put 'em back in the workshop in case of a storm comin!

Better luck this year -- I'm sure it'll be great. I would love pictures!

plainolebob said...

Mike, yeah, I git them coals too, I don't know if I can ever make one that does that agin, not on purpose any

Miss Sandra, ain't gonna be no pictures, I don't have the right kind, no way, lol

Bendigo, you can bring the younguns, that display works right now, cept santa is a little banged up.

Jenno, them polaroids don't do too good with this thing, but santa may bring me a new camera, then it will take me six months to figger it out

MsBurb said...

Ahhh Bob, what's Christmas without a few humps now and then?!

Consider your contribution to society just one more dimension to the old tried and true holly, only with yours, well, we get the effect of the kissin' right through to the pettin' and beyond!

Sure, you might have some esplainin' to do to the kiddies, but for the adults, you're just reminding us of what Christmas should be all about - wanton sex, with love, of course!

My vote - don't change a goddamned thing on that display...but I always live to ride on the edge of Life's wave, you know...

Oh yeah, and for us Anglo-Saxons, make damn sure you say "Merry Christmas" and NOT "Happy Holidays", as those other religious groups can go jump in the lake with their PC salutations!!!

Chester said...

I reckon you should get CNN over to film your decorations in full, give us all a chance to see them Bob!!

Now, as for falling off the roof...


Tina said...

Hey, Bob, maybe I should start decorating now, I might have a surprise visitor too!

carma said...

errr yeah. Never hurts to do some double checkin' :D

Ann Martin Photography BLOG said...

I wonder what my neighborhood association would say if I put up a humpin santa display.......

plainolebob said...

Jeff, oh no, don't want no repoters stompin down in my

Tina, yes it is always best to start early, just check ever thin real good.

Carma, lol, AMEN

Mary, it was an accidental happenin, nut in Dallas you would probly never hear the ened of it. lol

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Haha, great writing and very funny. You make it very easy to visualise a scenario.

We Laugh A Lot


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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got

just kicken it around