I, know, this is gonna be hard for some of you to understand, specially if you have known me and followed, this blog for any length of time.
I have never talked about this part of my existence before, but I thought just, maybe, you might git a chuckle outta it.
Back in 1968, I decided, no actually, my family decided, that I not only needed to further my education, but that I should do it on a small Baptist college. Yikes, bummer, and any other adjective you wish to use here, any way, this was way out of my element and comfort zone.
Most of the guys here, were bible thumpin, knock on your door, Jesus saves, dorks. No offense to any one that falls into this category, mind you, I was only eighteen at the time. Except the fact that, my hair was down to the middle of my back, I smoked cigarettes, I smoked pot, I drank, and every third phrase outta my mouth was, "you gotta be shittin me", and "far out fuck wad". As you can see at that time I would not be the model canidate for student of the year on this little bible school.
My room mate, was this weird little fellow from, "Philly", with an even more strange name, David Dingbutt, changed his last name just in case. This guy was hung up, on show tunes, and Frank Sinatra. Me, it was Quick Silver Messenger Service, and Pink Floyd, for the easy listening stuff an Janis and Jimmy for the more moderate. I might write about this educated idiot some time.
I stayed off campus, as much as possible, hung out at the park, gazebo, played frisbee, listened to music and stayed stoned. These were the good times, no hard drugs then, just for "medicinal" purposes any way, yep, I was sick of that campus.
I found out really quick, I was a different type of student. I wasn't a religious type, I wasn't a studious type, I was mostly a party type. This did not blend in on this campus. They were, short hair, polished shoes, neat pressed shirts and slacks types. Me, long hair, beard, tie-dyed-tee shirts, bell bottom jeans, and sandles, a much more laid back type.
Every, Wednesday, was a mandatory chapel, I went to twice, I liked it so much, that I hired this off campus wino, to sit in my seat every Wednesday, for the roll call, for the duration of my life there. This fellow found the lord, and became a Baptist preacher, so as you can see there was a silver lining.
The only major expense, that I incurred, was this stoopid meal ticket, that you had to purchase. This was the biggest waste of money ever for me. I never ate breakfast, and the lunch was just a time to collect all the different colors of jello, I liked to use the jello to stain the sidewalks, made all type of art work there, you know, peace signs, and that type of stuff. Mistake was I would do it right on the cafeteria sidewalk as you walked up to the door. I wrote with the jello, this jello, causes cancer and brain disease.
Man, I was always in this little dean guys office.
Now this guy, Damn, he was a retired military officer, about five feet four inches tall, had that attitude of , "boy", my way or the highway, I always said, "fine, can I have a map". He hated me, and ,well, I was no fan of his either.
Guess I was just considered a "Rebel" here.
My biggest problem on this campus was with the cafeteria, as I had a problem here, right away, in fact, there were, two instances that I had to go and see the dean, I am only going to tell you about one right now.
You have to remember this was 1968, and "who", I was then.
I decided to attend the Sunday luncheon meal, I woke up late, got in a hurry to make it over there before they closed the lines and stopped serving. I walked in side just in time, they were still serving, and very few people were still there.
The girl, snickers, and says sorry, I can't serve you.
I say, why can't you serve me, the line is still open.
You are dressed improperly, I was informed.
Hell, I had on my t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. She informed me, that to be served, Sunday lunch, you "MUST" wear a coat and tie.
I tried to turn on the charm.
I said. oh I'm sorry sweetheart, can you let me slide just this once, I won't tell any one, and I really am hungry, besides there is no way that I can make it back to the dorm, change and get back here before you close the doors.
An emphatic, resonating NO, was belted out.
My charm wore off immediately.
Then get the hell outta my way, and I will serve my self, and I did.
She walked over to my table, picked up the meal ticket, off of my tray, and wrote down the number.
Next morning.
Had a note on my dorm room door.
Mr. Byford, please report to the dean before returning to class.
OKEY DOKE then
The dean and I, if you remember are not fans of each other.
Mr. Byford, at this school, as stated in the orientation manual, that I am sure you received, it clearly states, and he had the book opened and underlined, a coat and tie are required for Sunday luncheon meal.
I tried to explain the situation, no dice, this prick wasn't going to hear any of it.
NO EXCUSES, coat and tie only, good day, and he dismissed me.
That next sunday, I was first in line for the Sunday luncheon. Had my, coat and tie on, and thers she was, the cafeteria policewoman.
She walks over to my table, picks up my meal ticket, writes down the number.
Next morning, had a note on my dorm room door.
Mr. Byford, please report to the dean before returning to classes.
OKEY DOKEY then.
Mr. Byford, a coat must be worn right side out, and a shoe string, even if colored red, is still not a tie.
I pulled out my copy of the orientation manual, highlighted and underlined.
Show me where it says that.
It merely states in its' vagueness, "a coat and tie, are required for Sunday luncheon meal", no mention of any qualifications or exclusions.
I dismissed myself, turned, closed the door, as I left his office.
That Wednesday, in their, mandatory, chapel, they were introduced to an addendum, to the "orientation" manual.
Male students attending the Sunday luncheon, Must wear a coat, that coat MUST be worn in the fashion that it was designed, ie...it MUST be worn right side out, a tie MUST be worn, that tie must be a proper tie, WITHOUT exception,ie.a shoe string or other substitute will NOT qualify, as a tie. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wow, over night, I became a campus legend, imagine that, the ole hippy hick, scored.
Oh, and by the way, the ole wino, I hired, to sit in for roll call, yep, ran into him just the other day.
He was drunk on his ass, and he had just accepted a new position, as the new dean, on that campus.
Go figure
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MERRY CHRISTMAS AT HALLOWEEN
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