Friday, January 29, 2010

Jimmy Rays' Brand New Truck/ Clem Fixes It






Sittin on the front porch, drinkin my coffee, readin the paper and wavin at the people on their way to work. Just another mornin in this here paradise I call my front yard world.

Along comes Jimmy Ray Morrison, ever one knows Jimmy ray, or some one like him.
Hell, any thing you done, he done did it better, TWICE.

He can tell you whut color it needs to be painted, how much to use and when to do it, TWICE.
You might think I'm a funnin, but this here guy has done did it all.

Why I even bet he was the presidents advisor, at some point and time, in history.

I bought a little six cylinder truck once, well hell, accordin to Jimmy Ray, they weren't no count, no six cylinder ever gonna do what an eighten can, ever body knows thet, you just spinnin your wheels with thet there, puny ass, truck.

That afternoon, Jimmy Ray went out and bought one them big, four door, v-8,
 pick ups, just to prove the point. His gonna be twice as good as yours, ever day of the week.


Directly, Clem stops with the mail, I proceed to tell him bout whut Jimmy Ray gone and done did. He lets out a belly laff that would scare a bald ass snake. Uh oh. done heard that laff afore.

Whuts the plan I asked.
Ain't tell you, Clem replied, uh oh, must be a doozie. Onlyest time Clem don't tell me. is when he don't want too many, chiefs, involved.

Next mornin, I'm on the front porch, drinkin my coffee. readin the paper, wavin at the people on their way to work, when Jimmy Ray, drives up, in his brand new pickup.

He tells me right off, just how nice his, brand new, pickup is. Hell he's gettin the best gas mileage ever, only one little noise he hears ever so often.

I tell him, hell, you oughtta take it back and have it checked out, "oh hell no, this here truck gets almost forty miles to the gallon, I ain't gonna let them rubes mess with it at all."

I start laffin to my self, that damn Clem gone and done sumthin.

For about a week, Jimmy Ray showed up ever mornin, braggin bout thet truck, good mileage and all.
Just a few minor noises, a few minor glitches, hell, he can live with thet. Mr. Bob, you shouda done like I tole you and bought a truck like this'en, gets good gas mileage and has plenty-o power. Yessiree this is the best way to go. Then he left.

Well Monday mornin, while I was out on the front porch, I noticed Jimmy didn't show up, hell I didn't hear a speck of nuthin from him till Thursday. Then I got a full ear for a full hour, all the woes of his new truck.

Seems, the noises got louder and worse, the gas mileage thet had been so great had dropped to nuthin.
Then while he was goin over the cattle gap he had to go through ever day, to feed the cattle, had a sharp piece of iron stickin up and punctured the tire.
He went to lower the spare, there weren't no tools, so he rigged it up with a screw driver and pipe wrench.
Got the tire on the ground, the damm thing didnt have no air in it. So now he had to call Bubba to tow it to Clearwater Truck sales.

He tole Ronnie, the service manager, he was have'n all sorts of problems with this here new truck.
First he was a gittin forty miles to a gallon, now barely five. It had a small little pingin and rattle but the noise was gettin worser ever day. It didn't have no tire tools and even if it did, the spare had no air in it.

Well Ronnie, was real nice, he said no problem Jimmy, let me take it back there to the shop and figure out what the problem is. Won't take more'n a day or two, I'm sure it will all be fine. we'll fix-er right up. Well Jimmy got the truck back, everthig was fine, it wasn't gettin bout aroun fifteen miles to the gallon, but that was about whut he spected. Only thing was, some of them shop charges weren't covered by no manufacture warrantee thing, cause he didn't spend the extra hudret dollars for it, so he ended up a payin almost fine hundret dollars extree.

Next mornin, sittin on the front porch, drinkin my coffee, readin the paper, wavin at the people on their way to work, just waitin on Clem, to bring the mail. I wanna know the "rest of the story."
Here comes Clem now, this outta be a good'en.

I tole Clem, Jimmy Ray was here yesterday, tole me this long story of woe, bout his brand new truck. Fill me in on all the details and how you pulled it off.

Clem and Ronnie, Clearwater Truck Sales, service manager, are brothers, they have lived down the road a piece, since they was all younguns together. These two brothers had been waitin for years to fix up ole Jimmy Ray, for his years of agravaten.

Ronnie, went over to Jimmy Rays at night, he'd place little tin cans with bb's and marbles in different spots on the underside wheel wells and other hard to find spots. He let the air outta the spare tire and hid the tire tools.
All the while, Clem kept addin gas to the tank the first week, then siphoned it all out the next, he saw this pulled in some movie and always wanted to do it to Jimmy Ray, worked out great.

So when Jimmy Ray finally had that brand new pickup towed in, hell, Ronnie was happier than a coon what had found a full dumpster.

Moral of the story: "don't brag to your neighbors when your cup is over flowin, you might just find your neighbors , pissin in your cup."

BIG BIG HUGS ALL ! ! ! !






42 comments:

Sandee said...

Yep, I know this guy. Heck I know more than one of these guys. Couple of them used to live in this neighborhood, but their houses went into foreclosure. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day and weekend and big hugs back atcha. :)

Alice in Wonderland said...

Great to see you back telling all your old tales! I've really missed you Bob, and hope that things are going o.k. for you.
Take care, talk to you soon.
Big, Big Hugs!

Rae said...

Just a little payback for a whole lot of bragging. Sounds like a lot of fun. Glad you are back telling tales again.

Farila said...

Wow!!! You are back with a bang!!! now please stay and keep the blogs coming. I miss you so much..
BTW wasn't the payback a bit harsher?? LOL. Your paybacks tales are one of my favorite ones ...

john said...

classic beauty mr bob

Tgoette said...

Great story Bob! Love it when them braggarts get what they deserve! Welcome back!

plainolebob said...

First, it is good to be back in the saddle,

Sandee, kinda figured you would know some like that guy.

Alice, thanks so much

Miss Rae, them braggin kind really get me.

Farila, was the pay back really too harsh?

John, Hey good buddy.

Tgoette, karma karma karm = red necks pay backs lol

Lesley said...

Yay! A new Clem story! What a hoot.

Big hugs to you, funny Bob!

plainolebob said...

Lesley, yeah ole Clem's makin a comeback,

Sarah said...

I'm sure glad I don't know any brother of a mechanic. This is just evil! (and I think you invented more new words than ever)

Great to have you back!

Gorges Smythe said...

Never met your guy, but I think one of his cousins used to live across the road from me.

UberGrumpy said...

Bob! Welcome back - we missed you

Great story. I'm going to try that on my wife next time she wants a new car. How do you siphon gas?

Aion said...

Sounds like my cousin Joe.. we buried him to his EXACT "specifications" (thank GOD!) he only told everyone about a 1000 times how he wanted it done...(no exageration!!) ... May God rest his Soul! He is still talked about very fondly at every family reunion .. :D

ByDSea said...

Ha! That's funny !
So glad to see your back!
Cheers friend,
C

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Paybacks are a bitch!

Great story Bob. Great to see you back in fine fettle.

Angie said...

What a good story! I sure do know someone like that so it was fun to read this payback story!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Love your old tales,Bob.Missed them. Loved the pic too.
I'll be around.
Love and hugs

plainolebob said...

Sarah, nothin evil there

George, man I love your blogs

Uber, hey man dont try it on a fiat

Aion, man i love your new blog site

ByDaSea, so glad to be back, cheers

AV, what a fettle?

Angie, that chickadee was too beautiful

Betty, i loved that bike that was in that pic

Charlene said...

I think I know a guy just like that. I better watch out I guess! HUGS!

Charlene

Lorenza said...

Welcome back Bob! I am happy to start practicing Boblish language again!
I also had problems with internet...and computers...

LOL

buddeshepherd said...

I took my truck to the local crazy mechanic. He once chased the neighbor farmer around his field with a baseball bat. The farmer, who is a dapper little fellow, was quite upset. Lots of hollering and threats of police action.
Turns out it was a whiffle-ball bat... Farmer was not amused... Crazy mechanic is a bit annoying but it is funny when it happens to someone else...

plainolebob said...

Charlene, ain't it funny everyone know this guy

Lorenza, bobelish, i like it, coolish

Budd, i really know you can relate

Anxious Buddhist said...

Miss you much bob. Thanks for the laugh to start my Monday...

Alice in Wonderland said...

Hi Bob, just to say that I have an award for you over at my site!
Congratulations and big hugs!

Carmen said...

LOL! Served him right as well, don't you just hate braggers? :D

Sandee said...

You took first place in the caption this contest. Congratulations. :)

Secretia said...

That there is real good advice.

Secretia

TWolf said...

Bob - Just stopped by to check out the view from the porch and to let you know I've got an award for you over at Galloping Insanity. Just a little something for keeping me entertained.

Juz said...

Greetings from Cape Town,
I love this blog - stumbled onto it by chance. And I dig the moral of the story. hee hee.
Thanks for sharing.
Justin

Cheri Pryor said...

lol!! I have a family member who has done effin' everything "for 16 years". Seriously everything...expert and know it all extraoidinaire. Pisses me off and makes any conversation with him NO. FUN. and annoying. But the funny thing is I've never known him to have a job longer than a month.

Cheri Pryor said...

btw...hope all is well again in your neck of the woods. ((hugs))

Kate said...

Bob I've missed you!

xxx

Bob West said...

God has greatly gifted you
I enjoyed visiting your blog
God Bless;

http://westbob.blogspot.com/2010/02/encourager-part-1.html

Jeff Healey said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lily Robinson said...

He who laughs last... Yeah, we all know one.

Adorabibble said...

there is an award for you at my blog!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Bob, I really miss you!! Big hugs and lots of chocolate kisses,
Robyn

Charlene said...

Hi again! Just stopping by to let you know I have an award (or two) for you at my place: http://www.beamingbalance.com/2010/02/my-best-shiny-happy-good-looking-blog.html

Cheers!
Charlene
The Balance Beam

carma said...

Ha Ha - touche!!! Love it when braggards get their comeuppance!

Bren said...

Love the story. The neighbor just got a shiny new boat. I think if he waxes it one more time he'll wax off the paint. If not... then his wife will be my new best friend this summer :)

FishHawk said...

"Just Kicken It Around" has been included in this weeks Sites To See. I hope you like the image I featured, and I hope this helps to attract many new visitors here.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2010/02/sites-to-see_26.html

Cheri Pryor said...

Okay...tin cans with marbles and bb's??? LMAO!!! Love getting one over on the "one-uppers". Man those kinds peeve me off. lol!

((hugs)) nice to "see" you back writing your wonderful stories!

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I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got that..lol

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