Monday, September 28, 2009

Lightin Up The Fireplace

Right outta college, I took this here job, with a up an commin retail chain. Now they specialized in fireplaces, an fireplace equipment. This company was outta  Deetroit, Michigan, where it gets cold, has snow an all that there.

Now I applied for the job as a manager trainee, now I didn't know nuthin bout fireplaces, an even less bout managin peeple. But the dern fools hired me anyways. They hired me on the spot, told me I was goin to Columbus, Ohio, to train in one their best stores. Thet I, needed to go home and start packin enuff clothes  for two weeks of training, lernin how to put these free standin fireplaces in homes an all.

This here company was a lot bigger that I could've ever dreamed. They sold fireplaces, an the stuff whut goes with em,  hell, we never had nuthing like thet afore. Maybe, a pot belly stove, cause it never really ever got cold enuff to have no fireplace in our little ole house no way. Most the peeple in these parts didn't have a fireplace lessen you was rich, an all.

Anyways went to, Columbus, in this here aeroplane , and had never flown in one them things in my life. Man, I was scared like a rabbit being chased by coyotes, an sweatin like a ruptured water main, had to wring out my socks, afore I could stand up. The damned thing finally landed, an I dashed right off thet thing.

They had me go to werk as soon as  they could catch me, they thought I was gonna run all the way back to Oklahoma. Yep, they took me right to the werk site, started me right out, cuttin holes in peeples roofs, an if thet wasn't scary enuff, they figgered I knew why I was a doin it. Hell, these here holes was eight inches round, now how we gonna keep the rain out, was whut I was wonderin. I'll be damned, we put this here shiny pipe on top of that fireplce thing, another thing on the roof, round the shingles, and it didn't leak at all. Man I was reall relieved, just knew these yankees was gonna blame ever thing on the red neck,(didn't know then they had got out of the war ginst the south long ago). Them yankees were real nice to me, even fed me lunch an all.

The next day we started back to the job when the big boss called. He told them boys to bring me back to the store, but to stop an git my things from the motel first. Man this don't sound good to me, hadn't done nuthin I could think of to lose the job thet quick.

The big boss was waitin for me at the store, he had this big smile on his face. He said hello there young man, I am Jim Buttmeister, the owner of this here operation, welcome aboard. Man, bout thet time I had passed enuff gas to fill one them flyin baloon things, eggsited I guess, didn't lose the job and all.

He went on to splain, the feller in the store in Oklahoma City, just walked out, quit. He found out I had been hired an was skeered I was his replacement, which I wasn't, but now I am. Sos, I got eight hours of a crash course on how to run this here store, thet I had only been in oncest, for about thirty minutes, taking an interview for this here job.

Good god almighty, all I learnt so far, is how to cut a hole in sumones roof, and they want me to run a store. Man I must be a really good hole cutter, or sumthin. Mr. Jim Buttmeister, says don't werry bout nuthin, your just a phone call away, hell, whut I wanted to know was, do I git a raise now. Sos I ask.

Mr. Jim, says well hell, yes, man Iwas happy as a pig in fresh mud. Werk two days, cut a hole, and git my salary doubled, and ain't done hardly nuthin other then thet.

Well, I git back to the store in Oklahoma City, an set up shop. Introduce my self to ever body an all.
Ask the folks whuts spose to be done. Come to find out, they install these here, fake gas log sets.
The ones thet look like a real burnin fire, but just the fire is real, the logs is fake. Now all I ever done is cut a hole in sum ones roof, never put these log things in. Sos I call Deetroit, they say not to worry, they would talk me through it over the phone. Hey now, that sounds easy enuff.

I git all these her tools together, and head out to install this gas log set. I open the box and see this thing looks like a pilot light for a hot water heater. Bout this time it hits me, I hope this here thing has sum kinda instruction sheet, whew, it did.

Now this little old lady was as sweet as she could be. She brought me tea, and cookies and just a jabberin away, while I was readin these here instructions. Well it don't look thet hard, the gas line is already there, just gotta take off thet gas starter thing and hook up the pilot light thing, I asked this lady where her phone was, thet I needed to check in and let the bosses know thet all the parts were there.
She says, well young man the phone ain't werkin right now, cause they're werkin on the lines. Holy shi...., now I gotta wing it. This poor lady got sum dam fool in her house, whut don't know how to do nuthin but cut holes in her roof, messin with her gas line.

This little lady takes a seat, in front of the fire place, an I'm still readin the instructions, while puttin these here things in. It says check the line for leaks with soap and water, sos the little lady gits me sum.
I put on the soap and water an don't see no bubbles. Next it says turn the button to pilot, and hold down to bleed the air outta the line. So far so good. Now I have lit pilot lights before so, I figger I'm in the clear now. I start smellin the gas now, the air is all bled out. Time to light the pilot light, I git sum them long matches, light it, put it down by the pilot light.........KA BOOM.

Thet thing sploded, in my face, threw me backkerds into they little lady, singed the hair on my arms, an singed the hair on my beard. Man, I was skeered that little ole lady was gonna have a heart attack, fretted over me. She weren't even worried I mighta blew up her house.

Then she asked me, should I call the fire department, I was skeered an all thet, but didn't want her to know how stoopid I was.

Sos, I said, Why no maam, ever thing is just fine, it's just a litlle of extra added service an I'm use to it, we always do thet to scare off any birds sos they wont git their feathers burnt off. She bought it, and it calmed her down and I left soons as I could pick up my tools.

I got back to the store, called the boss back in Deetroit, knowin I wuld be fired. He got on the phone and I splained whut had happened. Man, he burst out laughin, thought it was the funniest excuse he had ever heard of, the he splained to me, how a fire place has this damper thing, up inside and all, and it's spose to be open. Well, hell, I didn't never know thet, I said, it wasn't on the instruction sheet, he just started laffin again.

Damndest thing I ever heard of, cuttin holes in peeples roofs, blowin up their livin rooms almost, all in less then two weeks, and he gives me another raise. Thet was how it started, by the end of the year he had me runnin, thirtyfour of seventytwo stores, go figger.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Plainole Bob Questions Mr.Bob

Just sos you know,  we git these here ground rules straight Mr. Bob, I will be askin all the questions here, an you just give me your answer.
How is it some one as ugly as you, end up with, a purty woman like Bess?

Well, I guess you could say, Bess, was just lucky. I'm considered a purty good catch here abouts. Hell. got my own pick up, got almost a hunnert dollers in the bank, all the time, hell, I still even have my own teeth. Another thing you just quit eyein Bess, she thinks your a clown, you bummble head, an I'm bein nice.

What is it you think makes you so popular in these here parts?
Well hell, ain't no mystery there, I am always stocked up in beer, an I hate to drink alone, sides that ever one them ole cusses owes me money..

Why is it you are so ornery?
Ornery, who you callin ornery, I just like to have a little fun ever now an then. Why remember, when I sent thet stripper feller up to Imogen fer her bithsay, now thet was a hoot. She was lovin it too, till ole Preacher  Jim, told her the church office, weren't no proper place fer thet kinda entertainment. Now how could thet be ornery.

How come all this crazy stuff keeps happinin to you?
Ain't no crazier then them city folks, goin to werk ever day, in thet traffik an all. Hell. when I was in Houston one time, them crazy folks had more cars then a christmas parade. They was all rushin round, in a hurry, to get to werk, gettin mad an all, had no idea thet limit was 55mph, hell, it's 40mph ever where here, an thets pushin it. They acted like I was puttin em out bout sumthin, they was only headed to werk, why the hurry.

Did you ever finish skool?
Well hell yes. Got outta , skool when I was sixteen, even made it to the eighth grade. An I been skoolin others ever since.

What is it eggsactly thet you do?
Well, I werked on boats fer a long time, bought and sold stuff, ran a bar, now thets a good job. Now, bout all I do is fish, and such, and odd jobs fer folks, hell, made a lot of money off ole Jimmy Ray, remodelin thet cafe he bought from Clem. You remember the day old hamburger joint.

Are you a hillbilly, a hick, or you just a plainole redneck?
Now I don't know eggsactly where your goin here, cause I just consider my seff a plain ole person, a little home spun and down to earth maybe, I guess I fit in all them catagorys.

What kinda politics do you practice?
You kiddin me boy? Man you gotta politik them politicians to git any thin done. They put a job out fer a new bridge here, an it went out fer bids an all. They got 3 bids. One from a feller from Texas, fer 3million dollars,
another bid from this feller that lived in some yankee state, he bid 4million daollars. Thet last bid was from Jimmy Rays' daddy, he bid 9million dollars. Jimmy Rays' daddy got the bid. He politcked, Sen. Loosepockets, about the job, told him his bid was the best fer ever one. The ole Sen., asked him how thet was, he calmly splained, 3million fer you, 3million fer me, and we let the Texican do it. Werked out ok I guess, Jimmy Rays' dad got the job.

Well I guess that about enuff fer this session, but I need to find out more later.
Alrighty then eny time.
Wanna find out more bout Mr. Bob just ask.

Man I'm Gonna Be The Best Frend Ever

Well, This morning while, I was on my allotted computer time I find, another beatiful award. I love all you folks. Don't know what I'm a doin to git em, cause seems to me I been a little lazy in writin the next story. Are ya'll, bout ready for a new one now?

POLLYANNA, the pink blog, the up beat blog, the one and only crazy monkey hair blogger I know.
Has decided to bestow yet another award here. Thanks Polly, I promise to get off my little, and it is little, ass, and write another story for ya'll.

So o over here and check out the halloween stuff in pink.

HUGS, will be back writing very very soon. promise.

Friday, September 25, 2009 Well Jackie, now you gone and done it, made Bess real proud, Thany-you so much for this beautiful award.

If none of you peeple out there have never been to thi9s most lovely site, you ain't got a clue what you been missin.
This is one a Bess's, mos favorite places, always up-beat, plenty of purty piktures, and always warm hearted.

again thanks all, almost back to full steam.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mr.Bob Is Back-And Is Passing On ( AWARDS that is )

 Hey Ya'll,
Now ain't that sumthin, damn, anyway I'm back now.
Some of you may remember I have some awards I need to pass on, so, you know how I am, lets get this thing on.
I had no idea how tough this would be, I normally read between 20 and 30, blogs a day. There are probably about  ninehunderdsixtyseven kazillion ones out there, I think I may have to take a peed reading course.

Here are a few of my favorite blogs and bloggers:

If you are from Boston or not, and whether you like sports or not, this happens to be, in my opinion, one of the slickest, best written, and entertaining blog sites out there.  Pardon My  Opinion, is a top notch blog.

My very most favorite pet blog. Now you may have to be warned here, this blog is about cats, you may hate em you may love em, but you can not deny, they are entertaining. Stories From An Innocent Owner of Mad Cats, is just a fun, antic filled, type of blog. It leaves you feeling wonderful.

What can i say about coach Dayne, if you are not now reading his words of encouragement, and true to the heart advice, you are missing out , on the guide to finding a better you. Coach Your Mind. is a must read blog, you never know what you may need to hear, so do not miss this one.

From the inner workings of Super Desk Jockey, to the ramblings a haiku, you will never find a more reawarding blog, a more amusing blog, or for that matter just plainole, laff yo ass off funy blog. than Hunters'. I have been reading Time Crook, ever since I found it hidden, tucked away. while browsing  the coffee shop. It said something to the effect that he was looking to be discovered and become rich, I lmao then, and I lmao now.

These ARE the four that I pass along the award that miss Sandra, from this fun site
gave to me. Congratulations Guys,  Enjoy.

These are the next group of bloggers that I am passing on the other award to:
This blog can make you laugh, make you cry, it will make you think, and is never booring. Sarah, reading your blog is a pleasure, watching your content grow has been amazing, keep up the wonderful work.The Good Girls, is one of those blogs that keeps getting better and better all the time.

This blog site is full of good natured fun, at times, and at other times, plainole good advice. Carney woman non-freak type, lost star, and self proclaimed, singer. Charlene, it is truly, a fantastic blog you have, and I enjoy it immensely.The Balance Beam, this blog will never let you down, well written by a busy mom, wife, and business woman, relating to all the ins and outs of how to keep it together and to have fun doing it.

Pollyanna, if you do not know this name, you are truly missing out on loads of fun, and a quirky daily writing, it is just so much fun trying to keep up.Life Makes Me Laugh, says it all, well not quite, she will make you laugh as she takes you inside her world, which believe me, is more than worth the trip. You never known, could be monkey hair, could be carny pictures, but it is always fun.

This one has been the hardest for me, I haven't been reading his blogs all that long, but have become a rapid fan of his. He has several blog sites and each is as good as the other. The content and lay out of his blogs are very friendly and fun sites to go to. The blogs are always fresh and lovely, you may even find some of your other friends there, A/V, as he may more likely be called is a gentleman above all. Argentum Vulgaris, may be found on multiple sites.                                                                                                                

The award I am passing on here is the one from AlpHa Buttonpusher, at her fantasticall amazing site  called Simplify.

Pretty cool huh!!

CONGRATULATIONS EVERY ONE, and thank you all for every thing.

Back In The Saddle

Back home after all,, yay, I made it.
Will try to get back at it later today.
Thank-you all for the thoughts, and prayers,
All is well.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Short Interuption

I will be away for a few days, it seems, ole Doc Johnson wants to check out my ticker.
Will be back by monday, hopefully .
See you soon, thanks.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Workin At Ole Tom's Cafe

My first job came out of a discussion with my dad, he said, boy you gotta git a job, I ain't buying you no bell bottom jeans.
Well maybe it wasn't egsactly like thet,but was really close.
When your in high school, there aren't thet many jobs to be found in these here parts. Jimmy Rays dad would hire us kids, to clean out the horse stalls, man, now theres a job fer ya, manure slinger, fly chaser, and the smell, of that green ole rodeo mud is ever where.
Then in the summer time, when its  really nice and hot, you can git a job, balin and stackin hay. Oh boy whut fun thet is, sweatin constanly, your shirt weighs more en your shoes, so you shuck it, go without one. Not to bright doin thet, I 'm  a fair haired kid, burn like bacon on a hot skittle, and itchy, man, thet stuff is itcheeey, gets in your eyes, up your nose, just plain sticks all over you, and the pay, hows ten bucks sound, yep you betcha, work like hell, sweat to death , git sun burnt, all for ten bucks..
Sos, when ole Tom Mabon, had a openin come up for his, down town, air conditioned, inside, easy to do, buss boy, dishwasher job.  I raced faster than Mario Andreti,comin out on the pole position. Got to git my butt over ther to see ole Tom, I need that kinda job.
Ole Tom, kinda liked me, thought I wuz real polite, sayin yessir, an no mamm, all the time. He knew my daddy and momma real well too. That yessir, came on a kinda my daddy, bein an ex drill sargent. and all, hell I lernt to say yessir, before I could even say dada, at least thats what moma told me..
My daddy is real proud, his son, gonna be workin for ole Tom, dontown at Tom Mabons cafe, servin coffee and such to him an all his buddies.
Well,ole Tom, teaches me how to use a mop real proper like, to sweep, clean, pick up the dishes off the tables, an how to wash em in this big ole sink. He musta been just a waitin for me to git there, them dishes were about two feet high.
Tom has a regular crowd of old coots, these ole boys ain't got nuthin better to do than just hang out an harrass me.  They start callin me Little Lucy and such, tryin to rile me up, Tom knows, I have a short fuse, sos he tells me, them boys don't mean nuthin by it, hell, they kid  thet away cause they like you.
One of these fellers, Ernine, he's an ole retired man, bitter at the world, he dont like nuthin, hes the worst of the lot.
I'm a thinkin to myself, oh yeah you betcha, gonna take real good care of you.
Ernie comes in ever afternoon, round two o'clock, I reken, he comes in then cause it's kinda quiet, and he can fuss and cuss without much truble. He always orders the same thing, grilled cheese sandwich, and a glass of tomato juice. Ernie really has some kinda problem with me, don't know why, he just don't like me thats all there is to it.
Ole Tom, has to go do some shoppin, he tells me when I came in. I think you are ready to handle it while I run a few errands , he says. Won't be busy, just go ahead clean up, sweep mop, do the regular stuff, he says. Alrighty then I can handle thet.
While ole Tom is out doin his errands and such, its really slow, onlyest customer I have, is that old grouch, Ernie.
He asks, wheres ole Tom at, real smarty like,  I told him hes out runnin his errands, and left me in charge. He laughed and said, in charge of what, this places so small a retired retarded monkey grinders pet monkey could run it, an that I was dummber than thet. Now git me my grilled cheese and tomato juice.
Man I was fumin, just hopen  ole Tom would walk though thet door and take care of this ole coot. I just go ahead, make him his grilled cheese , and get him his big ole glass of tomato juice, and serve him.
Oh no, the grilled cheese ain't grilled good enuff, he says, and wheres some tobasco sauce for this here tomato juice. Fumin I git him the tobasco sauce an re- grill his sandwich.
Real polite like I ask, enthin else, Mr. Ernie. Thank god thet ol coot said no I'm fine.Good thing, no tellin if I coulda held it back much longer, from just lettin it all go off on him. He just finished his meal and left nice and polite like.
Tom, came in directly. Asked how it went, did I have eny problems, and all thet. I said, nosir, just ole Ernie was the onlyest customer,  with his grouchy ole self, other then thet was real quiet.
Ole Tom goes, Ernine, oh no now I remember what it was I was forgettin, the damned ole tomato juice. We ran out this mornin and I was gonna try to have some here before he showed up today. Where did you find some to give him. I said, hell, there thet big ole bottle of it in the fridgerator back there. Tom says, boy, come show me right now, whut your talkin bout, I know we were out this mornin.
Sos , I take ole Tom , back to the fridgerator, an proud as a possum with a dead rat, show him thet big ole bottle of tomato juice. Well, ole Tom, falls to the floor, balls up, kicks his feet, laughin like crazy. Sayin, I been waitin for years, to get thet ole coot Ernie, some kinda pay bay back for the way he always treats me an, now you gone and done it.
I had no idea what I gone and done, but ole Tom here was sure happy about it, sos I ask.
Ole Tom, talkin through his laughter, splained to me, thet wern't no tomato juice at all, it was the big bottle of ketsup he was coolin down to cook some meatloaf with later.
Well, thet splains it then. ole coot Ernie asked for tabassco sauce, drank thet tomato juice, got real quiet and polite then left,. Ole Tom, balled up and startin laffin agin.
I figgered , I musta done ole Tom, the pay back favor he was lookin for, cause he started runnin errands ever afternoon after thet.
SIDE NOTE:  Please for give me Alpha Button Pusher, I am not the brightest bulb in the house, you see you gave me that beautiful award displayed proudly at the top left on this site now. You gave me the award, the week of September 5, being so new to this blogging and all, I had no idea what it was. "Simplify" just happens to be your motto, and if you've ever gone to the bottom of my blog, you will see it is mine as well. You have one of the nicest blogs that I have seen, and I am positive that anyone that reads my blog, would surely without any doubt love your blog, as much as I do. If it is alright with you I am going to post a link here, so that they may visit you and enjoy your blog. THANK_YOU.

Miss Sandra, thank you so much for the award that you have bestowed on me, I am overwhelmed by these awards, it is posted at the top left. I know that my readers will love your blog as much as I, so I am leaving  your link here for them to visit your site. THANK YOU.

vote here:

Saturday, September 5, 2009

what bess wants bess gets

Bess, started one of her honey do list things, back round easter. Here it was round the Fourth of July holiday commin up, and Bess wants me to fix her up a swimmin hole before the Fourth. She has been buggin me, more like on my ass, for years for one of these things. Any ways, this swimmin hole was on the list bout  four times, figgered this is what she really wants.

I call round to git pricin and such, find out there are all kinds of these things.
In ground, above ground, blowem up quick set,and the big fiberglass ones.
Inground made with some kinda shell that goes in the ground they call it a pre-fab simming pool. hell., never heard of such.
We all ways went to the crick, dove in and swam, man that was always lots of fun, big ole hole deep enuff to dive into, we'd take a rope, tie it to this ole oak tree, and swing on over that thing and drop right in.
They, got this other kinda pool, called an above the ground swimming pool, these dang things come in all kinds of sizes and such, they look easy to put up and ain't too expensive, sounds like a maybe.
The last one, is the in-ground, made out of cement with tiles and such, man this thing, they come out with dozers, back hoes, all kinds of stuff.  Expensive. You betcha,. hell, I aint got ole, Warren Buffets money, I'm just a poor ole workin man, this en is  way outta my beer budget.

Bess, says, she don't care which, just git one an git it done, before the fourth, and even threaten me with the Cora Lee visit, hell, I couldn't go find one fast enuff.
I go round up Clem, and we go pick up the biggest one these above ground pools what you can find.
Liked the name too, EZ-panel pool, 17ft x 39ft oval thing, you know me, the ez'er the better, this thing went up easier than countin to one backwards, had all the ez-stuff that  you needed too.

Bought  four cases of beer, invited all the boys over for a pool party, no beer till the pool was up though.Well, they may have been a little upset, till I told em how ez it would be to put up, and all ,then told em I had plenty of beer, a cheer went up then. Now to work.
Bout two hours later, we had it up, and were filling the thing up with water, man it was lookin good too.Bess is thrilled, now shes got a backyard swimmin hole, and i got her off my ass.
The boys and I, are, all ready to git outta here and go fishin. So, we go git bout four more cases of beer and take off, for the Roll Gully fishin hole.
We git there and the fish is biting like, june bugs and mosquitos buzzin at night. we catch so many fish and drink all that beer, with them fish in tow, we head back to my place.

Mess of these fish still alive, so we put the live ones in the new backyard swimmin hole, man these fish are happier, than a coon that found a new dumpster.
We clean the fish for a fish fry, and go to catch the ones we done put in the new swimmin hole, cant find the nets, to catch these little fast swimmin little S>O>B>s. Gonna be an ass whuppin, for Mr Bob, iffen I dont git them fish outta there afore, bess finds out. Man I am sweatin, cannon balls ,by now, three hours later only caught half of em, we're all drunk and such and cant catch these last ones.
Ever body in this pool thing, by now drunk, with nets,  all, runnin round, like them keystone cops, on them old movies, and not catchin nothin.
Another hour and that swimmin hole, looked like the winner of a demolition derby.
I pass out, bein drunk and tired and all, sleepin god know how long when I hear this loud yell.

Oops, man my head is bangin and throbin and just knew I was in some kinda truble here.
Yes, sugar plum, sweetie of my life, you callin me?
What is it my little sweetheart?
Then I spotted that damned wreck pool, oh shi....., what happened here I said, hopin to fool Bess, into thinkin, I had nothin to do with this mess, didnt work.

 I had to tear this  back yard pool down, buy another one, deck it in and all, Bess was happy, she gets her own back yard swimmin hole.
hey not bad, I take that first one, an convert it, now I got a back yard fishin hole, for me an the boys.
Yep. Bess, all ways gits what she wants.   [wink wink]

We Laugh A Lot


Blog Widget by LinkWithin



Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Lijit Search


Search This Blog

About Me

My photo
I Have started this blog as a rest stop to collect my thoughts, share my ideas with my friends and to start work on what ever, I started blogging at the last of august, 2009. it says 2008, hell I don't know where they got

just kicken it around